Anyone who remembers my angsty whiny relationship posts from the past (and I'm sure no one does) should now know that I'm single.

Anyway, my problem is that I suck. That's right, I am a horrible horrible person.

Details you say? Sure, but I'll keep it short so you don't get bored.

Saturday: I was headed down the road in the same direction as this girl. We got to talking a little bit, she mentioned where she worked, then we parted ways.

Monday: I stopped in on her work, invited her to lunch (we are both new in town, so we went to the burger place across the street). We talked some, etc... There is supposed to be a free concert in the park thursday, we agreed to go together. (the word date wasn't actualy used, but I took it as such)

Tuesday: I stopped by again, we had lunch again then wrestled her car over to the mechanic's. I showed up when she got out of work to lend a hand if she needed it. She didn't and got a ride home from the mechanic (she doesn't live too far from there). That night I began to suspect that my always hanging around might be giving her the creeps.

Wednesday (today): I was just going to stop by real quick on her lunch hour to apologise for being creepy, and explain that I'm socialy inept. I got there and she had a coworker tell me that her boyfriend was picking her up for lunch.

I don't know what to do. If she's avoiding me showing up and trying to explain myself will probably make things worse. If she realy does have a boyfriend I will just sound paranoid, though it would explain why she wasn't warming up to me.

Any advice?

ps. This ran longer than I intended, sorry.

Just let it go. Just wait for her to see you and talk to you or just forget about it all together. I mean it is not your fault, she may have just taken it the wrong way. Some women are like that.

girls are stupid. give up. you wont win. i hate girls.

I'm with eyescore... its funny though how sometimes you get into the situation of a stalker and dont even notice - but maybe if you see her again just say a quick hi and maybe apologize (one of those where they laugh and say "oh thats not a problem!" apologies) for maybe seeming a little weird... but you were just looking for someone to hang out with since you are new in town

otherwise dont bother... Dont go by her work or sumthin like that

I'm not a stalker dammit. Unlike stalkers I realize that I screwed up. I just don't know how to fix it. Anything I can think of will just make it worse. The odds of me just running into her randomly are pretty bad. I could arange things to accidentaly run into her, but I already rejected that idea because then I would be a stalker.

Being a decent guy sucks.

I think that you should stop by and see her tomorrow. She agreed to go with you to the concert so that would be a reason to go see her. If you don't want to see her anymore since you don't think a relationship could be in the works (you know, since she has a boyfriend and all) then you could just stop by and let one of her coworkers tell her you had to do something and couldn't go to the concert.

I don't think you should feel like a stalker at all. You thought you hit it off and she never said anything about a boyfriend. Seeing her twice for lunch and once to see if she needed help isn't weird to do for a girl you like.

So my advice is to see her tomorrow, or let a coworker know to tell her that you can't see her, and maybe then leave her alone for a few days. Go around next Monday maybe, see how she's doing.

Why does it have to be all about you? Did it occur to you that perhaps she sucks and is socially inept?

I think helping her to take her car to the mechanic was a chivalrous gesture. Showing up after to work to see if she needed help was considerate. That's how I would have taken it.

Forget her. There are plenty of gals who appreciate your style of socializing. You'll have a better chance at finding them if you reject these paranoid ladies.

And you have nothing to apologize for.

[This message has been edited by deadlycindy (edited 07-30-2003).]

i know how you feel. i have done the same sort of thing and as soon as you realize that you may just seem creepy, they have deemed you as creepy. It sucks. im sorry your in that situation.

chances are she is trying to avoid you...she most likely wouldnt have been going out with you if she had a boyfriend. I agree with cindy all the way. I know i tried to hang on to my feelings for this guy who i figure deemed me creepy, and i ended up getting hurt. You actually sound like a really great guy, and if she cant see that, fuck her, she really isnt worth it. You will find a better girl, who will treat you the way you deserve.

And again, im sorry your in that situation, i know it sucks.

Leave her alone, bottom line.

She is giving a message and you aren't receiving. She is not attracted to you and sometimes it doesn't matter how nice of a guy you are. The whole going to apologize for being creepy thing is, well downright creepy.

Forget about chasing them, absorb yourself in doing things you like and a girl that is attracted to you will find you.

Going to her to apologize for being creepy was probably a bad, bad move. Stay out of the picture for a few days and then go try again.

She most likely does not have a boyfriend and was just using that as an excuse not to see you. The girl in question asking her coworker to tell you that, knowing you would come, was definitely not a good sign. Just stay out of the way most of the time.

quote:Originally posted by EyeSore:

girls are stupid. give up. you wont win. i hate girls.

im gonna allow this.and agree to it.

-Fa'ad

I did the exact same thing. This is the one screwup for which there is no remedy. There's really nothing you can do except let it go and allow for the possibility that fate might bring you together again and allow for the record to be set straight.

quote:Originally posted by EyeSore:

girls are stupid. give up. you wont win. i hate girls.

eyesore's fuckin right. girls are a major pain in tha ass

You needs serious help.

This type of guy is more of a pain in the ass for girls than girls are for men. No offense. I'm telling thise because I want you to change.

Anyway what were you thinking telling her you are social inept? Please...

It's harsh but women need to think you are the shit to have atraction for you.

That's why women like rich guys. They could care less about their money. But if they are rich that means they'r important.

If you cancel a date with a women that implies you are too busy for her. If you are busy you have better things to do. If you have better things to do you are important, you are the shit.

Don't be ashamed, go to www.fastseduction.com (http://www.fastseduction.com) and read the guide. It will take you long to get it but you will get there. Check www.doubleyourdating.com (http://www.doubleyourdating.com) and get their mailing list too.

quote:Originally posted by Prometheus:

Anyway, my problem is that I suck. That's right, I am a horrible horrible person.

quote:Originally posted by Prometheus:

Being a decent guy sucks.

these 2 do not match.

you know you're a decent guy, so don't worry about it, or her. try again, only take it easy. don't stop by EVERY day unless she invites it

3 Days does NOT MAKE YOU A STALKER MAN!!! and whatever you do DONT APOLOGIZE TO A WOMAN... EVER. we have out pride for one and the worst thing you can do when courting a woman is to apologize for NOTHING or anything for that matter. listen to the lady who said earlier you have nothing to apologize for she is RIGHT for once. jk

but im serious; later...

quote:Originally posted by Prometheus:

Anyone who remembers my angsty whiny relationship posts from the past (and I'm sure no one does) should now know that I'm single.



Did you post about how everyone sucks and then we had a long thread and we told you to try being nice, then you came back like a month or two later in defeat?

Or was that someone else?

I guess you have to just let it go and move on. Or just leave her alone for a while.

You should probably just forget about her. I doubt she thinks you're a stalker, but clearly she got the wrong idea somewhere and you probably don't stand a chance now. When you see her, say hi. That's it

if you don't want to completely abandon all hopes for a relation with her, you COULD salvage the situation.

lay off for a week or two. don't see her at all. then after you are totally out of her head, show up at her work to see if she wants to go to lunch or something. then if she does, which is a possibility, go out, have fun, etc. do this a few times, and see her like this for like a month, on and off.

then after all that, see if her feelings for you have changed. what im saying is slow down. don't try to see her every day, just play it casual.

like you just need someone to go to lunch with every once in a while. if you made a good first impression before you got creepy, then you have a chance.

You may have heard this 45,000 times but... Girls are dumb.



Shek

The general vote around here seems to be that girls are stupid. For the most part that is correct. But then again, what would we do wihtout them?

quote:Originally posted by LCDforMe:

But then again, what would we do wihtout them?

live fun, happy, satisfying lives.

quote:Originally posted by EyeSore:

live fun, happy, satisfying lives.

I guarantee lube technology would be far more advanced if there were no women around.

quote:Originally posted by Easy Going:

Did you post about how everyone sucks and then we had a long thread and we told you to try being nice, then you came back like a month or two later in defeat?

Or was that someone else?

I don't recall posting that particular message, though it does sound like something I'd do.

I've decided it's not worth it. I'm giving up on that. Just the fact that I was able to do that without obsessing too long is a real sign that I've matured somewhat. Now I have my sights set on this girl that works at the coffee shop Normaly I would be too timid to so much as speak to a girl I didn't have to for 3-6 months after something like this.

Then again, there is the theory that the higher powers are laughing at me. I'm sure that such a quick recovery is not amusing, and that is the reason I was almost struck by lightning a few hours ago. Seriously, it was close, the shockwave from the thunder threw me off my bike.

I used to have a similar problem. The real problem is your self confidence, you found a girl you like, way to go. Now youre thinking, being new in town I dont know anyone, but I know Jane Doe over there, Ill go see her. Doing this once or twice is fine, but everyday will earn you a nickname like mine. Go meet people. Once you get out and meet people you can spread your stalker like visits around so it doesnt seem nearly as stalkerish. Above all else do not apoligise for being creepy, this is even creepier.

Summary;

1)You call yourself socially inept, big confidence issue.

2)You meet interesting girl and talk.

3)Good progress now go meet someone else.

4)Casually visit everyone, dont visit with disturbing frequency.

5)Dont be creepy.

6)Dont anger the gods, they have lightning.

Eh, I have that same problem. I tend to scare off girls by spending too much time around them. I just don't know the fine line between seeming indifferent and seeming obsessive I guess.

Basically I have nothing better to say then I understand your situation and I want to know the answer to this as well.

[This message has been edited by TIN the Kamio (edited 08-02-2003).]

quote:Originally posted by EyeSore:

girls are stupid. give up. you wont win. i hate girls.

You kick ass.

Nobody can fucking win with girls.

I dont hate them anymore, but they really piss me off when I think about them. Ok, maybe I do hate them.

EDIT: Being a decent guy really does suck, damnit. I believe it's time for some nihilism. I treat some people like assholes, because they are (or I just am), But I always treat girls great, theyre my #1 priority. Or... at least they WERE. Now I dont know. I think I'm going to turn into one of those asshole guys that just does what he wants with them whenever, and then fuck them over. That would be hard for me, but hey they started it.

[This message has been edited by unchewed_meat (edited 08-02-2003).]

damn dude that's a kinda harsh story!

how about trying to NOT run into her on purpose for a week or two?

like...take different routes, use different shops, etc.

if you do run into her, just walk past like you haven't noticed her.

if she talks to you one day, just say "oh hi...blah blah blah...sorry, gotta run. see ya later."

after a couple weeks make sure you see her again and just play it cool.

failing that, get a laser listening device, a pair of binoculars and a trench coat (for the rainy days) and be a stalker!!!