I've been going out with this girl for 4 months now and I have to say it has been a good relationship we communicate well and generally know what the other is thinking. Unfortunately, I have been sick with glandular fever and haven't been able to see her for almost 4 weeks now. Last Saturday there was a big party that we were invited to go too but because I'm still considered contagious I was not allowed to go on the doctors orders.

At this party there were 4 guys I know that made a pass at her, at least, all because I wasn't there. She claims that she rejected all of them but from what I've heard she was completely pissed so I doubt if she knows what she was doing. Three of them she didn't do anything with but the last guy has been sending her messages on her mobile asking if they can hook up? She told him no she was with me to which he replied that's not what you said saturday night. I have spoken to over the phone and she said nothing happened but something has been bothering her and she said she'd rather tell me in person when I see her again next week. She claims she can't express what she is feeling in words. When I asked her what's wrong she said it was her problem and not to worry about it.

I think our relationships about to slide down the shitter. Could you please give me any advice on what I should do? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Advice: Sit tight and see what she says...chances are its something completely different to what you expect. Dont let your imagination get carried away.

"She claims she can't express what she is feeling in words."

That right there tells me it might be something good.

Thanks jumpunderaboat I think I'll take your advice. I like the way your mind works trueborn.

the way you put it made it sounds as though she cheated. this might not be the case however. more info is needed. keep us posted on what goes down.

Yeah, man, keep us posted. The more I can learn about the female species, the better off I am.

I don't think she cheated. But I think she might wanna talk about whats going on with the two of you. Hopefully you can talk it out with her, considering that you haven't seen her for four weeks, I think there's a good chance you can sort whatever's bothering her out.

Hi. I'll try and keep you up to date on what happens. I talked to her on msn messenger earlier and I'll post some parts in the hope someone can help.

[21:06:50] GIRLFRIEND: well its mainly bout me - but i has to do with a few other ppl too

[21:07:00] ME:who would they be

[21:07:26] GIRLFRIEND: u

[21:07:32] ME: and

[21:07:47] GIRLFRIEND: Guy A

[21:07:50] ME: and

[21:08:01] GIRLFRIEND: Guy B

[21:08:05] ME: and

[21:08:11] GIRLFRIEND: Guy C

[21:08:17] ME: and Guy D?

[21:08:21] GIRLFRIEND: no

[21:08:32] ME: can u please tell me because i can tell it's bothering u?

[21:08:50] GIRLFRIEND: its still too hard



I just accepted this response and continued chatting as normal after this.

here's the deal mate...never trust a girlfriend...they will eventually take your little beating heart, throw it under a double decker bus and eat popcorn as they watch with some new guy they've met!

or maybe that's just my experience?!

but i think the "i can't express it in words" bit sounds good...if she can't TELL you she is dumping you, how can she do it any pther way?...she can't...so it's gotta be good...simple elimination!

I just got a couple of messages on my phone.

Here it is.

OK Ill give it a try 4 u. Im probly makin a big deal ova nothin, but here goes..ive felt kinda trapped being in a relationship. I dont know whether its cos u havent been here or wot. Its stupid but at Girl A's(a friend) party i think i wanted to get with Guy C. Even after the party i kept messagin Guy B back & iv been flirting round with Guy A - i didnt know he really wanted me since Girl B's(another friend) party! I fucking went and told him i wanted him then too! I dont know y - i just kinda did it without thinking. and i know Guy B wanted me but i didnt really try to hard to discourage him. I also had 2 really push myself to try to stop Guy C from kissing me... And now I dont know wot ur gonna say 2 any of that - but i just really wanna see u...

That is the exact wording of the message (wtih the obvious exception of the names). She sent me another message asking me how I was feeling so I told her the truth, fucking pissed off.

I don't know whether I should tell her where to go or stay with her. I know she didn't cheat on me but as she said given the opportunity she might. I still have feelings for her but I don't know whether I can trust her.

Edit: I just got a message from her saying she only wants me and that she meant she wanted Guy A at the time of the party (6 months ago).

[This message has been edited by deserted dream (edited 07-30-2003).]

If she feels trapped being in a relationship, then why is she in one? In your position, I would ask her that. You two might be better off as friends with benefits for awhile, or less if necessary.. while the idea she'd be loyal despite all this attention is a fantastic thing (and worth complimenting her on), it's apparent that her eyes are open to other possibilities. She only wants you- right now. Unless you can feel comfortable with the idea that she's not eyeing other dudes, the whole relationship will feel like a ticking time bomb.

It sounds to me like, even though she has had pleanty of opportunity to cheat on you, she hasn't. Granted she didn't tell guy's "A", "B" or "C" flat out that she didn't want to do anything with them; she has stopped them short of doing something that she would definitely regret.

Remember, she hasn't seen you in about a month. That is a long time for a couple to be apart and can really play havoc with your mind. It is very possible that she is questioning being in this relationship because of all this time apart. I would be willing to bet that when the two of you are able to see each other again on a regular basis, that those feelings will dissapear.

I guess my advice would be to get better ASAP and stay with her. She obviously have pleanty of opportunities to cheat and she didn't. And she came clean about the guys, that tells me that the trust is still there.

Good Luck and I hope everything works out for ya.