I've gotten into a viscious cycle and can't figure a way out...

I'm not sure how this started, either my fiance started acting secretive and it made me curious, or I acted curious and it made my fiance secretive... its a chicken vs egg type thing because I don't know which came first.

ANYWAY, I have in the distant past freaked out once or twice about him checking out other chicks, but in general (read: when I am not being effected by hormones) I'm pretty balanced and I check out girls myself.

I use his computer at home. I surf lots when I'm home alone because I'm absolutely bored out of my wits. I don't go digging around but if something is out of place or sparks my curiousity I make note of it.

Mind you I visit some bizarre sites and he is aware of that, so I find it really odd that sites that he visits end up in deleted history files...

We've always had a lot of open-ness in our relationship... and its been equally appreciated. I haven't been pushing for it, he has been just as keen on it as I have. I like the fact that I can trust him and vice-versa, I don't want him to feel like he has to go to any trouble to hide something from me, especially in his own home on his own computer.

I told him that last night, that he doesn't need to worry about hiding stuff from me because I'm not going to flip out... I queued Girls Gone Wild to download for him just to sort-of illustrate my view on the whole thing...

Is there anything else I can do to make it more clear that he doesn't have anything to worry about?

Ah...I hear ya.

I've learned that guys are uncomfortable with their own wandering eyes when involved in a relationship. A woman's wrath scares them to death.

If possible, it's best not to talk about it or comment on it. Way easier said than done, but I find that whatever annoying emotion hits me at these times (jealousy? insecurity? ick!) will usually pass.

If you're engaged, he's already chosen you. Lucky you!

What you and every serious couple should do is to have a discussion about what's allowed and what's not. Clarifies things a LOT.

For example, if I type "I wanna fuck you numb" to someone over the net, that alone constitutes as cheating from my GF's POV. And I think that's just ridiculous.

let him know how open you are. tell him that you don't care if his eyes wander, so long as he doesn't. sit down and talk to him about it, and hopefully that will do the trick.

i can sort of see it from his perspective though. he doesn't want to seem to you like his faith is waivering. he wants to seem as trustworthy as possible, and make you know that he would never cheat.

As long as you've said something already, you don't need to do it again unless it becomes absolutely necessary for some reason. When he begins to see with his own eyes (which may not yet be open) what you're cool with and what you're not, things will begin to fall into place, especially since in your case that means he'll feel less restricted in what he can "safely" do.