So this 80 year old Polish lady was talking about how she survived Auschwietz, and I felt I had to secure my title as masturbation sensai, so I whacked it during her speech. For the people who aren't gonna cry and flame the hell out of me for this, where's the funniest place you have done it?

The funniest place that I have whacked of was on your moms head while you were in the other room whacking off.

HAHA, I almost fell off my chair when I read that...

Erm.. Actually I haven't wanked in any particularly funny place.

That's pretty sick. Even for me. If it's true atleast.

I've never done it anywhere funny. Meh.

Cant... help.... not....flaming... noooo

YOU WACKED OFF WHILE LISTENING TO AN OLD POLISH LADY TALK ABOUT HOW SE SURVIVED THE HOLOCAUST!!!!!!

Jessssus, i have never, ever, ever, in my life imagined a fetish where someone fancied old holocaust survivors. You sir are one sick fuck.

Bow down to me cause i'm the sensai

It wasn't that i enjoyed it, it was just one of those things that you just have to do...you know those things...well anyways, it is true

An Airplane, a few times too.

Rofl funniest post I ever read. O_o

That is pretty bad. The Holocaust is about the one and only thing that bothers me. I was researching it a couple of years ago and I became sick, nearly threw up. Ugh..

Anyway, I've already posted this so I won't go into detail: Classrooms, auditoriums, city bus, numerous relative's houses, the playground. I'm sure there are other places but I'm in no mood to think right now.

Sex stories are so much better than masturbation stories.

quote:Originally posted by creepinghorseman:

Bow down to me cause i'm the sensai



It's actually typed "sensei".

(Sorry felt like correcting you since I thought it was just a typo the first time)

I think your gay(this is to whoever created this thread forgot his handle). Seriously dude My first post I was trying to be funny, but what if you were a jew and some of your family members died in the holocaust(I am not jewish, this a theoretical question)? would you think it funny to jerkoff over something as serious as this?

also dude its an 80 yr old woman she was prolly all saggy and wrinkly. Well i guess your just a sick kid.

I have only masturbated in mu house by the way. I don't have the balls to do it anywhere else(pun intended)

ah my bad

I did it because it would be funny, not because i was making fun of the holocaust, i do feel sorry for them, but they don't have to know what i did

I once did it standing up.

I'm a fucking machine!

Edit: Not a machine for fucking, just a fucking..

Ah, fuck it.

[This message has been edited by Kente (edited 07-16-2003).]

I had a bet with a friend that I could beat off on holiday without him catching me. I won easily, and I can say with a smile on my face that success was definately in the destination and not the journey.

I whacked off alone in my room once!



Shek

In the shower

quote:Originally posted by creepinghorseman:

So this 80 year old Polish lady was talking about how she survived Auschwietz, and I felt I had to secure my title as masturbation sensai, so I whacked it during her speech. For the people who aren't gonna cry and flame the hell out of me for this, where's the funniest place you have done it?



*hangs his head in shame* The opening day of Lizzy Maguire... like the pedofile I am... I went to it... was the ONLY person in the entire theater... and proceeded to get off all around the theater... Paul Reuben/pee-wee herman... eat your heart out!

quote:Originally posted by AxisMundi:



*hangs his head in shame* The opening day of Lizzy Maguire... like the pedofile I am... I went to it... was the ONLY person in the entire theater... and proceeded to get off all around the theater... Paul Reuben/pee-wee herman... eat your heart out!

HAHAHHAHAHAH!!!! thats fuckin sick dude!! I laughed for 5 minutes after reading that one. Oh man...ill but not as ill as jacking off to an old lady reading a speech. Funny that you live on the other side of my city

if you were really sensei you whould have thrown the old lady of stage and started jacking off in front of the whole audience.



By the way....how did u not get caught?

stop revealing your fantasies

on a suburban train, while my b/f at the time watched... almost empty carriage...

Behind the counter at a Burger King...Noone was there...but still....I hated that job..it was my first day..and last day..I quit after that....so...I got payed to jack off! beat that!!!

HAHA PHAT im gonna get paid to beat off one day except im gonna go to a sperm bank lol

quote:Originally posted by AxisMundi:



*hangs his head in shame* The opening day of Lizzy Maguire... like the pedofile I am... I went to it... was the ONLY person in the entire theater... and proceeded to get off all around the theater... Paul Reuben/pee-wee herman... eat your heart out!

thats fuckin hilarious. its hilarious what some people can actually jack off too

hahaha....

im a ninja, of the masturbatory arts.

i like to tell people this, cause they never understand me, at this point i ask if they're also ninjas. 95% say yes.

i didnt get caught because i was in the back row, and aside from a few teachers and stuff about 15 feet away from me, there wasn't anyone around. This was for the sophomores and i was a junior so i didnt have to sit with them. I was just there filming it for extra credit (haha maybe it caught some sound or something funny on the camera, i was careful to not be in the shot). But anyways, i am very good at keeping it secret if i need to.

oh yeah some other funny places were in an antique store, in a costco, (both not bathrooms), obviously on a plane, out a second story window of a house under construction in broad daylight (it was sunday so they weren't working), in a classroom while a teacher was giving a lecture, on a moving bus, ill post more if i think of them...

quote:Originally posted by MrMojoRisin:

That is pretty bad. The Holocaust is about the one and only thing that bothers me. I was researching it a couple of years ago and I became sick, nearly threw up. Ugh..



if you want something sick, read about the japanese atrocities in china. the rape of nanking. you WILL be sick if you read about it.

Some of these sound like they could be a male or female but some like the holocast sounds like a guy. lol put like beat it or fingered myself that would help

quote:Originally posted by punkrawkerstonershit:

I think your gay(this is to whoever created this thread forgot his handle). Seriously dude My first post I was trying to be funny, but what if you were a jew and some of your family members died in the holocaust(I am not jewish, this a theoretical question)? would you think it funny to jerkoff over something as serious as this?

also dude its an 80 yr old woman she was prolly all saggy and wrinkly. Well i guess your just a sick kid.

I have only masturbated in mu house by the way. I don't have the balls to do it anywhere else(pun intended)



Ok, I think it's "hypothetical" question, not "theoretical" because theoretical is derived from theory. And he didn't even say he was masturbating to the thought of the old lady. I've watched spongebob while jacking off (no lubrication, god it hurt) but that doesn't mean I find spongebob attractive.

And I jerked off in my grandparents bathroom once.

Oh that must mean I find my gradnparents attractive!

lol thanks you

on a moving bus. i didn't mean to, but the bead of my hood (i'm a girl) piercing was vibrating with the bus right on my clit. so, i guess, technically, i didn't do anything, the bus did. it probably wouldn't have been anything, but i was all horny from making out with this chick for a few hours. god i love that story. the making out with the chick for hours part. hehehehehhe

quote:Originally posted by GlitterPunk112358:

on a moving bus. i didn't mean to, but the bead of my hood (i'm a girl) piercing was vibrating with the bus right on my clit. so, i guess, technically, i didn't do anything, the bus did. it probably wouldn't have been anything, but i was all horny from making out with this chick for a few hours. god i love that story. the making out with the chick for hours part. hehehehehhe

i love chicks like you.

quote:Originally posted by GlitterPunk112358:

on a moving bus. i didn't mean to, but the bead of my hood (i'm a girl) piercing was vibrating with the bus right on my clit. so, i guess, technically, i didn't do anything, the bus did. it probably wouldn't have been anything, but i was all horny from making out with this chick for a few hours. god i love that story. the making out with the chick for hours part. hehehehehhe

rofl..jesus..did you get flamed for that...funny reading it all though..

i probally shouldn't post this for the benefiet of one of my friends who reads totse..it might scar him..but..

on a coach on the way back from my nans..i was reading this book..and..it got..fucked..and no-one was on the coach...soo..

=/

sorreh mark.

Shittie

quote:Originally posted by Prince Charming:

I whacked off alone in my room once!



Shek

HOLY SHIT! your fucking crazy man!!!!

He wasnt alone...

the only think i hate, is that when youre wacking off to porn and then one of those goddamn ads comes up and you lose your momentum!

ts

quote:Originally posted by liam:

thats fuckin hilarious. its hilarious what some people can actually jack off too

Hey man... that lizzy maguire is one hot ass teenager.

Yeah Hillary Duff (Lizzie Mcguire) is somewhat hot, but Amanda Bynes is definently hotter. The songs that hillary duff sings, whoever ghost wirtes them, they fucking suck. (why not take a crazy chance/why not do a crazy dance) Those lyrics suck. Alot. And her next hit song is called "So Yesterday"

quote:if you want something sick, read about the japanese atrocities in china. the rape of nanking. you WILL be sick if you read about it.

Don't forget the Katyn massacre, that was some sick shit...

i wanked it in a wave pool at wildwaters

This isn't the guy who bashed the bishop at the holocaust speech, i'm his friend who was there the day history was made. It is true, he smacked that monkey right through the old bitch's speech. I mean- I wasn't actually "there" but as soon as we had a chance to speak he told me of his tremendous accomplishment. Out of complete disbelief I went to the very seat, thinking that i wouldn't find any "evidence." But there it was, gleaming in the lights on the side of the auditorium seat. I could not be more proud of creepinghorseman, he is an inspiration to all of us... and our hands. God bless, and may you beat like there is no tomorrow!

quote:Originally posted by creepinghorseman:

This isn't the guy who bashed the bishop at the holocaust speech, i'm his friend who was there the day history was made. It is true, he smacked that monkey right through the old bitch's speech. I mean- I wasn't actually "there" but as soon as we had a chance to speak he told me of his tremendous accomplishment. Out of complete disbelief I went to the very seat, thinking that i wouldn't find any "evidence." But there it was, gleaming in the lights on the side of the auditorium seat. I could not be more proud of creepinghorseman, he is an inspiration to all of us... and our hands. God bless, and may you beat like there is no tomorrow!

Uh...wow...

Oh god, whacking off during a holocaust speech. How amusing .

quote:Originally posted by GlitterPunk112358:

on a moving bus. i didn't mean to, but the bead of my hood (i'm a girl) piercing was vibrating with the bus right on my clit. so, i guess, technically, i didn't do anything, the bus did. it probably wouldn't have been anything, but i was all horny from making out with this chick for a few hours. god i love that story. the making out with the chick for hours part. hehehehehhe

Hey something like that has happend to me, but I was in the car... Ha..

P.S

Wanna be my special friend?

im down with the love that exists between two vaginas..oh and the funniest place i beat off was... on the back of the football bus infront of all the cheerleaders haha

quote:Originally posted by Der Führer:

im down with the love that exists between two vaginas..oh and the funniest place i beat off was... on the back of the football bus infront of all the cheerleaders haha

WTF is wrong with you man?! If I was gonna whip it out infront of a bunch of cheerleaders, it would be in one of their mouths!

I had to take band one year, so one day I was particularly bored so I nudged myself up against the cabinet and proceeded to beat off. Fun times.