I've been really depressed for the past few weeks, more then the normal pill can fix. It just hit me a few minutes ago hard... I'm lonely. I crave social interaction and friendship but I'm so goddamn depressed that I can't do anything about it. Remember Fat Bastard at the end of AP:2? "I eat because I'm unhappy and I'm unhappy because I eat... It's a vicious cycle", that sort of thing.

I'm 18, the only family I have is a ditzy aunt and an 88yo Granmother with Altzheimers, both out of town. I live alone in an apartment, and I only have 4 friends. They are good friends and I see them alot but I find myself just wanting to spend more and more time with them but I don't want to be clingy. I let people use me (not that way, christ). I think I'm subconciously afraid of change and I've been "diagnosed" with ADD and depression.

I'm not having a pity-party here. I just need to let this out, I can't talk to anyone else about it... I just feel so unloved and unwanted that it hurts every day.

Again, sorry about the rambling, I just needed to let that out of my system. If anyone can provide some insight into what the hell is going on with me I'd really appreciate it :/. I've suspected schizophrenia but... I dunno.

[This message has been edited by TIN the Kamio (edited 07-12-2003).]

Welcome to the club. You are very welcome here. I'm crissy or bh69 the resident pyscho girl.

about the skitzo thingie? i'm not too sure but i'd suggest u go see a shrink i hear they don't mind clingy ppl very much n like my dad always use to say "if u wanna lovin friend? get ur sorry ADD ass a cuddly dog!" i'd suggest a pitbull for starters...

sorry about that^^

Everyone has their ups and downs. It's how you deal with the shit that defines your character. You have your friends and a roof over your ahead - you're off to a pretty good start. Go out, find a hobby, meet people, leave your environment for a bit. Doing these things can help you get out of your pesimistic state of mind. But if you want to be miserable they can only help in vain, you have to WANT to be happy. I know how being lonely feels and the best way to fill the void is enjoying YOURSELF, having fun and leaving you inhibitions behind (I don't mean getting drunk). What I'm trying to say is: if you have all these ihibitions and annoyances you can't have fun and it won't work.

Of course there are some with mental problems but sometimes all you need to do is step outside of yourself for a bit. You've been diagnosed woth depression but a diagnosis doesn't mean anything. If you are influenced by "diagnosis" then you'll try to fit it. It sounds stupid but then again, people put a lot of faith in their doctors. Read about depression and ADD, instead of aggreeing with all the symptoms name all that don't apply to you. Everyday try to do something that contradicts one of the symptoms, just so you know you CAN control your actions and emotions and you CAN beat depression and ADD. If this really doesn't work, try some meds. You'd be astonished by how well they can work. (Don't depend on modern medicine to make you happy).

Don't depend on other people to make you happy. Yeah, you might feel lonely but really the only person guaranteed to always be there is YOU. It's all about how you look at yourself, the world and the people around you. Your outlook greatly influences your mood and your physical health.

I know from experience, sometimes all it takes is 10 day vacation to change you. If it's at all possible take a break from your reality for a bit. Get out of your time zone even. Swim, ride horses, play sports, meet people, pick up a new hobby, take advantage of vacation and explore your destination.

It's all about your point of view: It's never to late to try. Don't ever let go of hope. Smile, just smile.

quote:I've suspected schizophrenia

I've taken a few psychology classes and although I don't have a Ph.D. or anything, you really don't sound schizophrenic to me. Are you having other symptoms (confusion, hearing sounds/voices that aren't there, fears that people are "after you" for some reason, etc.) that would lead you to believe that you might have schizophrenia?

From your first post, you actually sound really normal to me. Everyone gets a little depressed sometimes. You'd be weird if you were happy and hyper 24/7. Is there any specific event that you can think of that could be causing your depression? Are you just really shy and have trouble dealing with people and that's why you feel isolated?

quote:I've been "diagnosed" with ADD and depression.There's a lot of debate among psychologists about the number of ADD diagnoses being made. ADD and manic depression/bipolar disorder the diagnoses that people get labeled with when the doctor feels like they should diagnose a patient with something, but they can't come up with anything else. As someone who was diagnosed with ADD as a little girl, it all just seems like a bunch of crap to me...

I know that when I feel depressed, it really helps to get out of the house. Just going to see a movie at the dollar theater or going shopping (I don't usually buy anything, but I like to look...) seems to help and won't cost you a lot of money. Are you artistically inclined at all? Maybe you could go to the zoo and sketch animals or go to the city park and sketch the statues and landmarks and stuff. These are things that you can do either by alone or with friends.

My point with all of this rambling is that you are not alone and that there are a lot of people who feel the same way that you do. Anyway, I hope you feel a little better soon.

TIN, if you're lonely, seek interaction. It is the best, and perhaps most obvious, solution to your problem. And do not stick only with the four friends you have now, you need to meet new people.

I know that meeting new people isn't the easiest thing to do unless you're very outgoing, but it's possible. I'm going to assume that your four friends have other friends (who have other friends, etc.). Go to a party with them, and just hang out. Sometimes being with the same people over and over again can be just as depressing as being completely alone. So go out and just do whatever. You don't have to look for new friendships, just be around people.

That's really all I can recommend. It's not much, but it has always helped me. Anything that gets you out of the house and away from your normal surroundings, filled with old depression, is a good thing.

And do not be so sure you can't talk to anyone else about it. You have four good friends who I am sure would be happy to listen to you and help you in any way possible. You might feel weird telling them these things at first, but in the end you'll find it much more soothing to talk to a real friend about these things than to get the advice of the binary digits here at TOTSE. Nothing can replace true human interaction.

TIN, can you have pets in your apartment? if so, get a pet. i have 2 dogs and 2 cats. even though they can't speak, they make me feel a lot less lonely when i feel down.

Thanks for the kind comments guys, wasn't really expecting much more then a 'get over yourself'.

LDN: I have a shrink already and he iscapable and all but I don't feel like he really helps me. And I do have 2 dogs and that helps.

MMR: I wish I could find a hobby or go out and mingle but I feel weird/uncomfortable with people I don't know. It's hard to explain and I'm not doing a good job... But damn, that was a nice post, thanks

Tori: I do my research before I make claims so I looked up schizophrenia a while ago and was shocked that I had had most of the symptoms multiple times over the past few months (especially auditory hallucinations and paranoia).

As for why I'm depressed, I really don't want to delve into it too much but It's multiple things: From 12 - 16 I lived with an abusive step-mother. I suspected she bi-polar and manic depressive but anyway... She would make up stories that I'd yell at her and my Dad believed her amongst other stuff she would do emotionally to me (there was a 6 month period where I was locked in my room (which was stripped of electronics) except to eat supper and school.). If it wasn't for my Dad, I probably would have killed myself. Then last December my Dad was leaving for work and had a heart attack. He fucking died in my arms. Then there is all of this legal shit that I've had to put up with for the past half year that I wouldn't wish on anybody.

That and like you suggested, I am (or was, I'm overcoming it I think) very shy and anti-social yet deep down I hate being anti-social. I dunno...



Xeno: I do talk to my friends about it but I feel like I'm laying shit on them that I shouldn't be, and the most they can do is lend a sympathetic ear.

Anyway, thanks for the posts guys, made my day.

You must be a really strong person if you were able to go through all of that. At least you're on your own now and away from your stepmother.

quote:I looked up schizophrenia a while ago and was shocked that I had had most of the symptoms multiple times over the past few months (especially auditory hallucinations and paranoia).

If you have the symptoms, you might have schizophrenia or you might just be having a major depressive episode - I don't know, only a psychologist would be able to determine that for sure. From your posts, you sound too normal to me to be a schizophrenic, but as I said before, I'm not a professional. Some people with severe depression get misdiagnosed as being schizoprenic because major depression can share some of the same symptoms including:

*hallucinations (most commonly hearing voices telling you that you're worthless, hearing someone crying, hearing someone calling your name, seeing a distorted image of yourself in mirrors, etc.)

*feelings of persecution or of being punished by outside forces (example: my life sucks because God hates me)

*flattened affect (when you talk, you're monotone and don't convey much emotion or facial expression)

*inability to take pleasure in activities you once enjoyed

*anxiety

*social isolation

*thoughts of suicide or urges to harm yourself

For schizophrenia, your symptoms need to be present every day for the last month and for major depression, your symptoms need to have occured every day for the last two weeks.



Here are a few websites that I found that go into more details about the symptoms for each:

Schizophrenia:

http://www.schizophrenia.e-medicinehealth.com/schizophrenia-symptoms.htm

http://www.mentalhealthcare.org.uk/schizophrenia/symptoms.shtml



Major Depressive Episodes:

http://www.psychiatry.ubc.ca/mood/faces.pdf

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000933.htm

http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/major_depression.htm

Wow, thanks for the info Tori. I haven't checked all of the links yet but I'm already pretty sure I should go see a doctor about this.

Well.... I say I will but I probably wont get around to it :/

~~~~~~

* I had a really big auditory hallucination episode a few months back and it comes and goes. And strangely enough I've noticed that if I'm looking for something (I lose stuff alot) I usually have a hard time finding it, even if it's right in front of my face

*I don't feel punished but God does hate me. Either that or doesn't care. I hate him anyway.

* I do talk monotoneously and can (and have) sit around motionless for hours yet I sometimes do weird stuff like walk in circles when on the phone

*This disturbes me. I take almost no pleasure out of life even though I want to. I can't explain it... Everything seems boring and vanilla to me. I also sometimes have delusions(sp) of grandeur.

* I get anxiety attacks at least twice a day now, usually when I wake up and in the evening.

*I'm pretty anti-social even though I don't want to be. For example: I went to a party last weekened where my friend was DJing at. I sit down on a chair and the two other people I went with go and sit across the room and start talking to some people. I really want to go over and talk but I always have the feeling when I try something like that that I'd be intruding.

*I've thought about suicide but really the only thing stopping me is what's the point? I'm indifferent to killing myself and that's not cool.



So yeah, I think I should go to a doctor but I don't know if I can even get myself to go. I really want to find out what the hell is wrong with me and fast.

[This message has been edited by TIN the Kamio (edited 07-13-2003).]

quote:Originally posted by TIN the Kamio:

"diagnosed" with ADD and depression.



Bring anybody into a place to test them for these 2. They will always have them. EVERYBODY is despressed.



Shek

That describes how I feel everyday and I also seem to have the symptoms of all sorts of mental disorders and whatever, I'm very anti social and hate everything. Point of that, u said how I feel better than I ever could have and i wanted you to know that i'm one more person who feels the way you do and it really was weird to have my thoughts written by someone else, great to see it. anyways I hope things change here...

Can't say anything that hasn't already been eloquently said. But the fact that so many here can relate, including myself, is something.

You seem pretty normal, with normal responses to fucked-up situations. You're stronger than you think.

I suspect whatever "symptoms" you may have are temporary. Try to refrain from going the psychobabble path. I sincerely doubt you fit the criteria for true schizophrenia, though I understand a mental health diagnosis would be somewhat comforting. Because then you could just be given some pills that make it all better.

Most folks here might feel God doesn't like them, and harbors the occasional delusion of grandeur. Meh, that just used to be called "life."

Look forward. Eyes on the horizon. I bet you have a lot to contribute to the world, and no will think you're intruding. So go up and talk to folks, what the hell.