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Starpimp Enterthighs
Filename: p.112
Category: Star Trek (tm) parodies
Title(s): Starpimp Enterthighs
Author(s): Jace Hoppel
Newsgroup: rec.arts.startrek
Poster: Jace Hoppel
Date posted: 1990 06 ??
First date published: 1990 06 ??
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
These are the voyages of the starpimp Enterthighs. His 5 year mission,
to explore strange new whores, to seek out and find new ways of molestation,
to boldly come until all women are tired and sore.
Starpimp Enterthighs IOU-2BL0WZ
Captin Lurk - [always looks around for women to rape...anything to rape....
He is stubborn, peverted, a homosexual, and loves it all...
He only rapes women when noone can see him... secretly lusts
Blowman Janice Ram]
Mr. Spook - [His talk resembles that of ally-gang or beach-combing surfer.
He dreses wildly wearing a mo-hawk and chains.... off days
He wears grass skirt and flower shirt... has special ability
"The Phulkin' Mouth Meld".... will cause the person to tell
all...comes from the planet Phulkin' ]
Dr. McToy - [Aka "Boner".... this man LOVES to play with himself. He shoves
any object within his reach up his dairy-air and smiles at the
feeling. Plainly put.... he is one sick puppy.]
Mr. Snotty - [Is a high class brown nose. VERY boring and talk endlessly
about nothing. Is easily distracted and is VERY excentric
He listens to classical music constantly and has the engines
attuned to a different tune each day.]
Mz. Ohurry - [Well...what can I say....she's a lusty wench and wants it
BAD. Her biggest desire is to bag a babe.... like spook
or Lurk. She talks like a wench constantly...]
Mr. Jackoff - [Always smiles....always tired...and almost completely blind.
He has a habbit of shorting out his board everyday to to
"external" fluids. Palms VERY harry....[wouldn't know why]]
Mr. Tutu - [Feminist...and I mean feminist.... wears a tutu all the time
and slurs his S's [ex: sorry=thorry].... yes...he's gay...
secretly lusts for McToy]
Nurse Shackle-[Likes Leather...uses whips, chains, handcuffs...other objects
of pleasure. She secretly lusts for Mr. Spook.... and desired
desperately for a Phukin' Mouth Meld.... she has hand-cuffs
with Spooks name on it...]
Janice Ram - [Janice is the Blowman for Lurk. She does all the running around
and basically everything else Lurk asks of her.... and he asks
a LOT. Secretly lusts for Lurk and wants to have his bastard
child.....like a lot of others...]
Computer - [The computer is a whino and resembles one at all times...
IE. How it runs the ship, how it runs the lift.... and how it
runs everything else....let alone how it talks...]
--------------------------------
"Starbate 4833498759872.139847. This is Lurk commanding Enterthighs. Our
mission takes us into an unknown territory in the Phlem Sector. Star
Fleece has given us a priorty one blow-job telling us that the Kling-ons
are joining forces with an unknown species. Our job is to find out this
species and stop the Kling-ons from joining.... and, as usual, it's me
that has to do everything.... uh, scratch that last part from records."
Spook: Yo, dude-man... like, scanners have picked up da' unknown life forms on
these here machine-like devices.
Lurk: Are they female?!?
Spook: Unknown Sir. But does it matter?
Lurk: <clears his throat and looks dissapointed>...guess not.
Boner: Dammit Jam...uh...Jim, can't you think of anything else?!?
Lurk: Ahhhh....ohhhh....ahhhh.
Boner: Uh, nevermind.
Tu-Tu: Uh, thir... thannerths have pithed up thome alien vethels thir.
Lurk: Identify spook.
Tu-Tu: He'th kinda green... hath pointy-cute littl' erthz....
Lurk: No you idiot, SPOOK... identify the life forms.
Spook: Like, they're female sir.
Lurk: <eyes brighten and pants rip> Ahhhhhhh!!! Jackoff, full warp...
Computer: Uh...hic...pullllottting corrrssss sssssiirrr...hic...
<a whine-like noise rises in volumn as the ship blasts off....in reverse>
Lurk: <looks as if his world will end>... no, blast-it!! the OTHER front...
Computer: Duh...hic...ooooohh...ssssorrrrryyy ssssirrrrrr....hic...
<ship jolts to a stop...rights itself...and blasts forward...faaazooom!>
Lurk: <looks like he's in some sort of pain>...hurry spook...where are they?!?
Spook: like, um, 1 mega-sector ahead...give or take a microinch....
Lurk: Snotty, I want warp 200 or you're fired.
Snotty: Capt'n, I'm giving it all she's got without dulling the metallic
finish!!
Lurk: Which is?!?
Snotty: We're pushing warp 1.5... and <sounds ready to cry>... the Silver is
tarnishing!!
Lurk: I said WARP 200!!! They're getting away!!!
Snotty: <Pouting and downhearted>...aye sir...sigh...<pulls a lever straight
down... ship blasts off into nether-space.>
Tu-Tu: Thir, we're catching them!!
Lurk: Ready transporters, I'm going over there.
Boner: Dammit Jam, uh...Jim... you're not doing this again!!
Lurk: Dammit, Boner, I'm in command and it's my decision!!
Boner: Yes, and your decision has made bastard children faster the the
sitcom goes throughs thecurity officers!!!
Lurk: <pants rip further>... enough of your illogic... I'm going over there
NOW!! <Rushes into the lift grabbing himself in pain>
Spook: Hey, like... looks like the big boss man is doing it again.
Boner: Dammit, I told him to use objects to release the stress, it works
for me...<so saying, grabs the starbate recorder and crams it up
his anal cavity... and smiles with satisfaction>
Tu-Tu: <Sighs>... lookth like their doing it again...
Jackoff: <Doesn't answer...just sits, smiles, and shortly shorts out the board.>
<meanwhile... on board the enemy vessel Butt-Pirate Scab>
Comander Wetwhip: What is the status of that enemy craft?
Subcomander Screw: Sensors report it traveling sir.
Comander Wetwhip: No you idiot, is it advancing or what?!?
Subcomander Screw: What???
Comander Wetwhip: You have disoboyed me for the last time, this deserves
punishment. Assume the position <drops pants>
Subcomander Screw: <Looks ashin... pulls out Lasher, and kill himself>
Comander Wetwhip: Damn, that's the third one today. Why do they kill
themselves??
Lt. Comdr. Forku: Probably saw what happened when Cadet Bodysmear was
"punished". Never saw someone explode from pressure
before.
Comander Wetwhip: <Looks proud> They are weak, underserving of the Butt-Pirates
Subcomander Blowu: <takes the now vacant science station> Scanners show
a large group beaming over. <looks horny>
Comander Wetwhip: <Rips pants> Maybe these will prove a challange.
<With enormous smile, runs to lift holding himself>
Lt. Comdr. Forku: <looks upset> I wonder when we can challange these aliens?
Subcomander Blowu: Probably after the Comander is through with them.
<Looks stressed> but no one is ever left by then.
<Back on board the Enterthighs>
Lt. Chi-O: <readying to teleport the boarding party> I read an enormous
life form on board that ship sir.
Lurk: <Pants finish ripping and nearest wall is knocked down> Good!!
<smiles to himself> Maybe I'll find a challange!!
<Rushes in to join Boner, Spook, and 6 Thercurity> Beam!!
Lt. Chi-O: <pushes the display and with a sound similiar to a tornado
warning, Lurk and the rest, flicker and dissapear>
<Back on board the Scab>
Comander Wetwhip: <looks ashin after enormous battle> It..<pants>...looks...
like you have... beaten... me... you have proven yourself...
<groans>...worthy.
Lurk: <not even sweating> Shut up and bend over.
Comander Wetwhip: <Looks frightened, closes eyes, bites lip, leans over>
Lurk: <Grunts heavily> Ahhhhh <you hear an explosion> Damn. It never changes.
<looks at remains hanging from him before wipeing it off> I may have
been worthy to you, but you wern't worthy to me. <Get's Boner and
Spook off the ground and shakes them to consciousness.> What happened
to you guys(?)?
Spook: He...<gasps>... like, has an enormous swinger and like, overwhelmed
my nerve grab.
Boner: <just smiles>...he was better then the Romulan Ale Bottle.
Lurk: Where is thurcurity?!? <look around the room and fastens his eyes on
six bloody corpses>
Spook: Like, they couldn't take the giddiup doode.
Lurk: Let's go on. There must be more. Beam over 100 thurcurity and my
command crew. I WANT...um...this ship...ya...ship.
Boner: Ya, you want the ship. <under his breath> more like the crew.
<In the transporter of the Scab>
<a few minutes later, a whine is heard and Spook, Jackoff, Tu-tu, Shackle, Ohurry, Janice Ram, and dzens of Thurcurity are breamed aboard.>
Lurk: Ok. My plans are simple. We come in peace, so take no prisoners.
<Smiles smugly as he strokes his swollen spike>
Spook: But like, yo dud man supreame, would not them Starfleece Regs say not
to do da stuf?
Bones: Ya, but when has Jam...Jim ever listened to Starfleece before?
<grabs an enemy lasher and decides to try it. You hear a sucking noise>
Tu-tu: Letth take thith thip thir! <puts hand on waist, and leaps with grace
into the next compartment.>
Ohurry: <in a sexy voice> Ya ready Jackoff darling?!? <winks>
Jackoff: <just smiles and moans with extacy>
Lurk: Good, it's time we take this ship!! <grabs himself in pain and runs out
to the next compartment with a moan> Everyone follow me!!
<everyone grabs themselves and runs out with a moan. Boner rolls his eyes>
<On the bridge of the Scab>
Lt. Comdr Forku: Subcommander!! They have vanquished our leader <Looks shocked>
and now they are heading this way!!!
Subcomander Blowu: Grab a detatchment of hinchmen armed with #90 lashers and
follow me!!! <runs out into the lift looking shaken>
Lt. Comdr Forku: <fondles the hinchmen until Blowu comes back and slaps him
across the broad side. Then they all follow Blowu> Sorry
sir! We'll vanquish them sir. But how will we handle the
one that defeated the leader?!? <looks like in severe pain>
Subcomander Blowu: We'll jump him together, even our departed leader couldn't
take 100 at once! <looks triumphent>
<they run out to engage the Enterthighs personel>
<back to Lurk and his gang looking for fresh subjects>
Lurk: <throws away yet another corpse> These beings are weak!!
Boner: <looks ashin> Dammit Jam...uh..Jim!! Who could stand up to you during
one of your mood swings?!?
Lurk: <Smiles, looks smug, and pulls another sucker...uh...enemy toward him.
You hear a gasp and an explosion.>
Spook: <Covered in red gore> Jimbo, you must control them passions dude!!
Lurk: <just gives Spook a lusty look and Spock shuts up>.
<They run into the next room... the entertainment area.... and run into the
vast enemy>
Subcomander Blowu: <Points at Kirk> He is evidently the one that destroyed
our leader! All personal jump him!! <procedes to leap on
Lurk along with 50 hinchmen.>
Lurk: AHHHHHRRR!! <drops his pants and moves arms in an outstreatched position
as 51 people pummel him with their bodies>
Boner: Jam...uh...Jim! You ok?!?
Spook: Looks like Jim needs our help. <goes into meditation, lights some
insence, and begins a Phulkin' Mouth Meld on the nearest ones>
Boner: <Drops his pants and begins to sit on peoples heads...with immense
pleasure of course>
Jackoff: <Gets tangled up by two individuals and wacks them across his head>
<he groans with satisfaction.>
Tu-tu: <gets abused but seems to be on the ...ahem...top of the situation.>
Thercurity: <gets erradicated by the hinchmen in mutual bliss>
hinchmen: <ditto>
<You see a blinding light as someone is transported down from unknown origins>
Beastly Crusher: Duh, hi guys(?). I was just solving the meaning of the
universe when I saw the fun game you guys were playing. Can
I join in? I got permission from my mother!!
<Subcomander Blowu and Lurk look at him together, look at each other, then in
one blinding flurry, everyone on the ship, Butt-pirates and Starfleece alike
obliterate the brat>
Subcomander Blowu: Are there more like that whelp around?!?
Lurk: <sweating and breathing hard from the 30+ hinchmen that died>
Unfortunately yes. They hide these individuals in a series called:
Star Slack: The Next Regurgitation.
Boner: You don't mean! <looks back from one to another>
Spook: Like, doc-man, they be corructomundo. There be a new, more shocking
enemy boss.
Lurk: That settles it. Subcomander Blowu. Would you like to ...join...in
a partnership?
Subcomander Blowu: <smiles a knowing smile> I agree totally Lurk. Together
we shall erradicate these whelps!!
<they both bend over to "seal" the bargan...which in itself is quite disgusting>
<The Enterthigh officers and remaining thurcurity beam back aboard the
Enterthighs and with the help of the Butt-pirates, look for the newest ship,
The USS. Analprise.
----------------------------
Stay tuned for: Parody II - Whipping the whelps.
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