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Changing a light bulb on NCC- 1701D
Q: How many people in ST:TNG does it take to screw a lightbulb?
A: Nine.
A light blub out on the bridge....
RIKER: "Geordi! What the hell is going on?!?"
PICARD: "Someone remove the lightbulb. Conference!"
In the Conference room:
TROI: (Putting her hand on the dead bulb.) "I feel...pain."
WORF: "The bulb is useless now, Captain. Let me dispose of it."
(Unholsters phaser and adjusts it to "OBLITERATE" setting.)
DATA: (Thinking about what Worf said:) "Captain, if I were to become
non-functional like this bulb, would I receive a regular burial or
would I be disposed of like..."
PICARD: "Shut up, Data. Hold your fire, Mr. Worf. Where is Mr. LaForge?"
GEORDI: (Stepping into the room.) "Here, Captain. I'm afraid we're out of
light bulbs. Who needs light anyway? With my VISOR, I can clearly
see despite the absence of visible light."
BEVERLY: "I can surgically remove everyone's eyes and outfit us all with
VISORs...."
WESLEY: "No way, Mom. Wait! I got it! I'll build us a positronic
kreiger-wave-condensing incandescent light generator!"
RIKER: "Excellent, Wes. By the way, what the hell are you doing in this
meeting? This is for senior officers only! Worf, put Ensign Crusher
in the brig!"
WORF: (To Wesley, grinning.) "You will walk or I will carry you!"
BEVERLY: "You're not touching my son!"
Everyone lurches. Outside, two Borg ships begin attacking the
ENTERPRISE. Everyone rushes to the bridge. Q suddenly appears on the bridge
in a flash of light.
PICARD: "Q! End this!"
Q: "Temper temper, mon capitan. Can't you humans take a joke?" (Snaps
fingers--Borg ships disappear.)
PICARD: "I didn't mean the Borg ships--I meant the light bulb!"
Q: "Oh. Sorry." (Snaps fingers again--bulb is restored.) "Until next
time!" (Flash of light--Q disappears.)
PICARD: (Hands restored bulb to Wesley.) "Mr. Crusher. Prepare to screw
light bulb."
WESLEY: "Aye, Captain." (Holds bulb in position over bulb socket.)
PICARD: "Engage!"
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