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Toxic Custard Workshop - #62
Is this a Shakespeare parody that I see before me? No! It's just...
____
|____ ____| TOXIC CUSTARD WORKSHOP FILES #62 - 16/9/91
|____| |____ Written in a tearing hurry by Daniel Bowen
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ever been to a school reunion? A night of seeing people you remember Y
("Charles! Mate! How you been, what you been up to?"), trying to guess e
the names of people you think you remember ("Oh.. it's.. erm.. you! How s
you been, what you been up to?"), being remembered by other people who ,
you don't remember ("Erm.. yeah, of course I remember you! .. erm..
anyway, How you been, what you been up to?" while thinking "who the r
hell is this?"), and, of course, seeing if other people remember you e
("Leanne! Hi! .. Remember me? ... No?... Daniel.. Yeah, Daniel.. Yeah, a
that's right! How you been, what you been up to?"). And of course, you d
can get embarassed at all the old photos. e
r
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - s
,
-I've come to pick up my photos.
i
-Ah yes.. what was the name? t
'
-When? 1273 BC? s
-When you put the photos in to be processed. t
r
-Oh.. Smith. u
e
-Of course. And your first name? Otherwise we'll be here all day, .
looking through a pile of seventy-six sets of holiday snaps taken by .
seventy-six different Smith families on their boring holidays to Great .
Keppel Island for a fortnight one Summer two years ago that they
haven't bothered to pick-up yet because they know very well that t
they'll have to stand around all day while we look through the pile of h
seventy-six sets of holiday snaps taken by seventy-six Smith families i
on their boring holidays to Great Keppel Island. s
-Fred. w
a
-Fred Smith? Pleased to meet you! I'm sure I haven't heard of you, you s
insignificant little nobody! Would you mind terribly much if I didn't
ask for your autograph? I'll just find your photos. They're probably w
among the seventy-six sets of holiday snaps taken by seventy-six Smith r
families on their boring holidays to Great Keppel two years ago. i
t
-Okay. I'll wait. t
e
-Well, you'd better, or you won't get to see them. Back in a minute. n
-Right.. i
n
[forty minutes later]
a
-I'm sorry, they appear to have been lost.
h
-Lost? But.. How? u
r
-Well, that's what happens when we have seventy-six sets of photographs r
under the name of Smith from their holidays on Great Keppel Island one y
Summer two years ago. Things get lost. I do sympathise with you, they .
must have been historic and memorable moments for you and your entire
family. Thank you so much for entrusting us with your memories. Which W
we've lost. Still, look at the good side-- if you leave the shop in the e
next ten seconds, we won't charge you for it. Oh! Just a moment.. found l
them! Here they are! Take a look! l
,
-Hmm.. yes.. these are mine. Hey.. I remember that! The cat looks a
little out of focus.. I never did know which dial was the.. oh m
dear.. that one's a bit blurred.. and the cat's head got cut off. o
Naughty old Michael with his hedge-clippers, dear dear dear. Look s
at that.. see? That's where the RSPCA man hit Michael. Serves him t
right. Not quite enough light in that one. Oh, there's a big black
streak across the one of the policeman taking Michael away.. o
f
-Yes, that was a mechanical fault, we were having the processing
machine erm.. processed, at the time. i
t
-Ah. This one with the grubby fingerprints.. ,
-Yes, the mechanic reached into where the photos were.. dirt also got a
onto some other photos from a family called Smith, from their holidays n
on Great Keppel two years ago.. y
w
-Oh.. Anyway, in this one Michael had punched the policeman and run a
off down the street, with the police car and me and my camera in y
hot pursuit. Hmm.. looks like the vertical-hold needed adjusting. .
-We'd better wrap this up and think of a punchline so you can piss off Y
out of my shop and I can go and have some lunch. o
u
-Indeed. How much for the photos?
c
-$9.95. o
u
-Okay.. here you go. Oh, while I'm here, I'd forgotten about a set l
of photos of the family up at Great Keppel on holiday, about two d
years ago...
t
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ e
It is your misfortune/privilege* to have reached the end of l
another hilarious/stupid* episode of the Toxic Custard l
Workshop Files. Back-issues are now available.. ,
e-mail/vomit* for details. (Delete where inapplicable)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ c
o
Well, can we really define "end"? The term "end" is so often u
misconstrued as the final apocalypse, when it may in fact be merely the l
transfer of the life-force to better and greater things. When looking d
at the cycle of life, it's important to realise these things. n
'
-- t
Copyright © 1991 Daniel Bowen
-- y
Daniel Bowen, Monash University | Monash Comedy Revue! This Thursday, o
Melbourne, Australia | 19th September at Monash Caulfield! u
edb134tbp2@vx24.cc.monash.edu.au | Your only chance to see Megabogue ?
edb134t@monu6.cc.monash.edu.au | LIVE in concert!!
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