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Toxic Custard Workshop - #61
And on the eigth day, which was a Monday if I remember rightly, the Lord
did have the computer installed, so he could keep track of everything.
### ###
--##---------#####------TOXIC-CUSTARD-WORKSHOP-FILES-#61------Chop a tree
## ##### ### 9th September 1991AD \ down today
######## ### ### Written by Daniel Bowen \ for a
### ### #### (edb134tbp2@vx24.cc.monash.edu.au) \ brighter
-############----#######-----------------------------------------tomorrow A
s
Massive Systems FBC (Fucking Big Computer) (vahalla.cc.heaven.rel) tty01
I
login: peter
password: s
i
Last successful login about 5 minutes ago on tty01 t
,
Welcome to MS FBC, WeetabIX V4.23
Licensed to Heaven w
2 User(s) Running at 493,383 MIPS r
User peter logged in at 20:27:17 UTC on 15 Sep 2093AD i
t
**************************************************** i
Users please note that e-mail from outside heaven n
will be delayed, due to maintenance on the Pearly g
gateway. Also be aware of attempted break-ins into
this system from brimstone.cc.hell.rel a
**************************************************** n
Today's thought: There are no razor blades in heaven o
That's why we all have beards. (God) t
**************************************************** h
e
heaven% who r
god console Jan 1 0ABB 00:00
peter tty01 Sep 15 2093AD 20:27 s
t
heaven% dbms u
p
DATABASE OF MORTAL SINS v0.8 (Beta Test Site) i
----------------------------------------------- d
Main menu: s
1.. Create a new life record (birth) i
2.. Edit life record d
3.. Cast person and delete record (death) e
9.. Shutdown system - Armageddon routines (password required) w
a
Enter option: 3 y
s
3 - CAST PERSON
m
Enter surname: Bowen Enter given names: Daniel Francis e
s
Retrieving record... s
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - a
Name: Daniel Francis Bowen Record no.: Earth/27081970A/47264 g
DOB: 27/08/1970AD DOD: 15/09/2093AD e
IQ: 67 Death: Smog suffocation ,
Events of life under consideration: I
0001- Hit sister with gumboot. (1972AD)
0002- Once stole 20 cents from the family telephone money box. (1979AD) w
0003- Enjoyed "The Life of Brian" several times (1986AD-2090AD) o
0004- Wrote "Toxic Custard Workshop Files", containing jokes about the n
Church, and later making an obscene amount of money into the d
bargain. (1990AD-2047AD) e
0005- Owned a Filofax. (1991AD-1996AD) r
0006+ Awarded "Wonderful Human Being" award. (1997AD)
0007+ Donated large amounts of profits to worthy charities, including w
Salvation Army and Public Transport Corporation. (1995AD-2092AD) h
y
Good: 2 Bad: 5 Total: 7
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - b
o
Please wait.. determining destination. t
h
Destination determined: Hell - determining life event/s: 0004 e
r
**Manual override from user god** .
Destination re-determined: Heaven
A
Message from god (console) - TCWF? I kinda liked it! n
y
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - b
o
The man hammered on the front door d
So we hastily hid on the floor. y
He quietly demanded our cash,
While we carefully hid all the stash. g
o
A silence in the air dispelled t
"Open the fucking door", he yelled.
We all pretended not to be there, a
Quietly opened the window to let in some air. n
y
It was round about then he saw the smoke.
He breathed it in, but didn't choke. g
It came out our window, he mellowed out. o
What were we burning? There was no doubt. o
d
The man went away, and crashed his Merc.
It was lucky there was no-one hurt. s
Now he comes every week- tenants beware u
Every week he comes, to breathe in the "air". g
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - g
e
Following up their hugely unsuccessful "Pommy" heavy-metal opera, s
Megabogue will shortly begin their "We Need The Money" tour. Band t
occasional-spokesman Bonk Mee told reporters that tour budgets have i
already been worked out, including fan funeral and stadium destruction o
insurance. "This tour will be something else!", he declared. Megabogue n
will kick off their tour at Chisholm hall on Thursday September 19th s
(what a subtle plug!), in front of a crowd of people who will be ?
expecting something else.
Bonk also complained that Megabogue were totally ignored at the MTV
awards, purely because they didn't do a music video. P
l
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ e
Back issues are available.. e-mail for details. a
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ s
Copyright © 1991 Daniel Bowen e
-- ?
Daniel Bowen, Monash University | If you thought cars were
Melbourne, Australia | a form of penis extension..
edb134tbp2@vx24.cc.monash.edu.au | ever tried driving a semi-
edb134t@monu6.cc.monash.edu.au | trailer? Or a road-train?
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