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Sketch about 'Green' products from Dave Letterman
Hi, I'm Dave, Vice-president of a large chain of grocery stores that isn't
Safeway or Mr. Grocer.
Recently I introduced a whole new line of 'Green' products.
Contrary to popular belief, these are not products left on our shelves for six
to eight years, like our famous 'Green Butter Tarts.'
'Green' products are products which are environmentally friendly. They are
organically grown and use only the finest wholesome ingredients available.
Like our 'Presidential Choice - All natural - Green Hotdogs.' These delicious
hotdogs are grown without the use of any chemicals or unusual animal parts.
They are raised in hydroponic Newfoundland greenhouses just like our cheese
slices.
We also have 'Green' tissues. Even after use the tissues look fresh and clean.
You can use them over, and over, and over, and over again.
{Woof-woof}
That's Danny-boy. He's eleven years old.
{Woof}
. . . Twelve years old. That's old for a dog, so that's why we feed him
'Presidential Choice - Seniors - Green Doggie Bits.' Made from one-hundred
percent dog. They're nutritious and easy to gum. And because we're concerned
about our environment, when Danny-boy kicks the bucket, we're going to recycle
him. Yes, it's the old blue box for Danny.
Point is, we care about the welfare of our next generation. That's why:
for every dollar you spend on 'Green' products, fifty cents goes into my kids
trust funds.
So try our 'Green' products, because at this grocery chain, we care about the
environment . . . as long as there's money to be made from it.
Money -- the ultimate 'Green' product.
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