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Some very specialized emergency cards.
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/// The Poison Pen ///
/// Presents Specialized ///
/// Emergency Cards. ///
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You have all heard
of those Emergency
Cards, or "In Case
of Accident" cards
that look somewhat
like this:
I am a Roman Catholic.
In case of accident,
please call a priest.
So I came up with
these "Specialized"
emergency cards.
Read on.
I am a Jewish Mother.
In case of stroke, nervous
collapse or, God forbid, pains
in my chest, call my son
and tell him it is
much worse that it looks
I am Harold Pemberton, who,
until a recent operation, used
to be Harriet Pemberton.
In case of serious injury,
tell the docter not to be too
suprised at what he finds.
I am a masochist.
In case of accident, please
don't call anyone. Just let me
lie back and enjoy it.
I am a Mafia Don.
In case of sudden accident,
call my capo and tell him
to rub out "Legs" Fazio.
I am a Garment Center Executive.
In case of mortal accident,
phone my partner, Sol,
and tell him I'll be
watching him from up there.
I am a pysical coward.
In case of accident,
please tell me my
wounds are superficial.
I am a lawyer.
Should I be hospitalized and
fail to pull through,
institute a suit for malpractice.
I am the leader of a
spiritualist cult. In case of
death, notify my followers to
expect me at their next seance.
I am a Christian Scientist.
In case of illness,
it's just your imagination.
I am a neurotic beset by traumas
dating back to my childhood.
In case of death, call up my
father and tell him
I forgive him.
I am Billy Smithers,
age 5, in case of
accident, please
give the frog in
pocket a good home.
I am a Vampire.
In case of accident, my
blood types are: A, O, AB, X,
RH Negative & RH Positive.
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Ace of Spades Inc.
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