please read and tell me what u think


story#1

I awoke to the sound of the dog, the dog never barked. I crawled out of my Spider Man bed sheets and to my door. I turned on the hall light and looked around, nothing. I went back to bed. I only had my eyes closed for a fewseconds when I heard the dog whimper. I looked out the cracked open door from my bed. A shadow moved in the light, still on in the hallway. I freaked and ducked under my blanket as if it were a shield. I heard my door creak open. I pictured a monster who followed me to my room when I turned the light on. Shouldn't monsters run when they see light? It felt like I was under the blankets for an hour when I heard my mom cry. It sounded like someone was jumping on the bed in my parent's room. I had to know what was going on. I made my way down the hallway to my parent's room. I opened the door a little and peeked in. I saw my father on the floor leaned against the wall in his underwear. Blood poured from the wound on his neck. There were hand prints streaked on the wall around him.He wasn't moving and looked very pale. I turned as my mother screamed. There was a man on top of her. He fondled her and threatened to kill her if she didn't do as he said. She noticed me and screamed to me to get help. The man caught on and drove his knife into my mothers' chest several times. The sheets had turned red from the spatter. I ran into the kitchen and slipped on something wet. I landed, hitting my head on the floor. I was next to the dog. It whimpered. I had slipped in the dogs' blood. I heard footsteps and panicked. I ran to the back door, but I was too short to reach the chain that locked it. I looked back in time to see the man fall in the exact spot I did. I crawled through the dog door. I scurried around to the front and into the neighbor's yard. I sprinted up the porch steps and held my finger on the doorbell. I must have lost my follower. A few lights came on and an eternity later a woman answered. I had been to my neighbors before and strangely I had never seen this woman before. She was shocked when she noticed my blood stained Sesame Street pajamas. She invited me in. That's when I saw him standing behind her, the man who was chasing me. I froze in terror as he grabbed the woman by the hair. I saw the end of the knife burst through her chest. He had to push off with his foot to get the knife out. I tried to run but fell down the porch steps. The man jumped from the porch and landed standing above me. He grabbed me by the hair and pulled me up. I tried to hit him but wasn't close enough. He swung the knife into my left shoulder and let me drop. I heard footsteps grow softer as the man ran away. As I lied there, I felt the blood puddle around me, but not from my wound. It was then I realized I didn't have a dog. Also It didn't smell like blood that I was lying in. I woke up soaked. I had wet the bed. I screamed for my parents. My dad came in and sat to my side, he noticed the puddle. I felt humiliated but most of all happy. I was alive and so was my parents. I slept in their room for the night. That morning I asked my dad if we could get a dog.


story #2


I stepped on the knee-high ledge surrounding the rooftop of the building I work in. I looked up at the stars and pondered the absence of my existence. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, I could feel the wind try to push me off. I started to lean forward when a light brightened my eyelids. I attempted to regain footing only to fall back on to the roof. A massive object hovered above me. It looked like a lit up football field, but it was eerily silent and floated gracefully. What looked to be a long vacuum hose slithered through the air towards me. The opening of the hose stopped about a yard from my face and seemed to stare at me. Smoke poured from the orifice, it smelled like a scented candle. Before I knew it I was asleep.
When I awoke I saw a short figure staring at me. It was about four feet tall and looked like a ten year old kid in pajamas wearing sunglasses with panty-hose over its head. It�s throat began to move and a few seconds later I could hear a voice, but the voice was in my head. It was the being speaking to me. It explained that they had implanted two objects into my brain. One would translate the creatures voice which my ears would pick up or understand. The other was to stop me from the effects of their low frequency voices on my body. The creature also explained that it would ask me a question that would affect my life and others on earth. It told me about earths ability to replenish minerals and how it was useful to them. Also that their time was different from ours, a lifetime on earth is less than a second on their home planet. Thus the earth could replenish its resources in just days. Then it hit me with the big question.
"Why should we let your people live instead of using your planet to harvest resources?" the creature asked.
How lucky for the people of earth, their existence rests in the hands of a man who was ready to end his life soon anyway. If only the creatures picked a professor, or preacher, or at least someone with the will to live. Too bad.
I explained to the creature that earth was a terrible place full of war, lies, hate, poverty, and oppression. Which was all true. I told it about world war two and how we stole land from Native Americans. I also explained greed and communism and that we interrupt our sleeping patterns to do things we don�t like.
"Do what you want with it I don�t care," I said. "I just hope you don�t use the resources to make weapons or anything harmful."
"We have far better weapons than you can imagine," the creature replied. "Besides, your fuels are insufficient for our long range traveling capabilities, thus we shall use them for amusement park rides and heating systems."
"As long as it makes people happy." I said.
The creature walked across the room the room to a window and encouraged me to do the same. On my way I mentioned how the room I was in looked like an office on earth. It told me it was built so humans would be more at ease in a place like their own. I felt awkward approaching the creature but felt better after realizing I was much bigger than it was. I looked out the window, I was staring at earth. The creature pulled a marble like object from it�s suit. It dropped the marble onto the floor, it shattered and a puff of smoke appeared. The creature explained that if that object went off on earth it would ignite the gasses in our atmosphere, therefore destroying everything above the surface. Eventually the waters would boil and evaporate only to rain particles of debris into the water ending any chances of survival. I just stared at the object in amazement.
The creature pointed out the window at a craft shaped like and old fashioned egg beater floating outside. It told me the craft would enter earth�s atmosphere and by the simple push of a button would release the detonator. It pulled out a rectangular object with two buttons on it and pushed the first button and the craft shot towards earth. The creature stepped closer to me and asked if I wanted to push the button. I took the device.
"Push the button when the light flashes." the creature said.
"I�ll be lower in hell than Hitler." I said.
"There is no god." the creature mumbled.
"That�s the best news I�ve heard all day." I said watching the light blink at me as I pushed the button.
After a few seconds there was a flash and earth turned into a fireball. Flames poured out of holes in the ozone. It didn�t take long for earth to turn into a large cloud of smoke. Whatever I was in began to move away from earth and I watched the cloudy dot grow smaller until it was invisible. That was it. Billions of people and animals destroyed, years of evolution erased, all by the push of a button. I went from nobody to the only living human.
"What do you love to do the most?" the creature asked me.
"Dream" I replied.
"Perfect" the creature said. "Your body will be mummified so your mind will dream forever. You will be put into a museum for viewing along with some of your inferior machinery. You may rest while we prepare the equipment."
I decided to lay back down where I woke up. I stared at the ceiling. For once I am happy. Knowing that I will spend eternity in dreams. Not only that, beings would come from all over the galaxy to view my body. After a few hours of pondering the creature returned. He thanked me and gave me a pill to induce sleep. I took it and was told to lay down and the creature would return when I was asleep to prepare me. I stared at the ceiling again and drifted off to a blissful world created by my own fantasies.

i guess since no one cares to read this then just delete it.

Those stories are good. I saw one or two grammar errors. The stories are very good but they are VERY short. I would suggest making them longer. The one about the kid pissing his pants is funny, but you should explain more about why the guy is in the house.
The science fiction story about the suicidal person is good also. You could explain why you are commiting suicide and there should be more conflict with the creatures. I also think you should express more feelings between the guy and the creatures.

i didnt really bother to read much of story 2 but story 1 was great.

story 2 seemed like it had been ripped off from vanilla sky a little, but still a good story.

I wrote story 2 before vanilla sky came out.

You vary sentence length in story 1 very well.

Story #1:

Excellent! But...What you need is emotion. You need words which can make the reader feel your fear, make the reader jump back in surprise and fear at every twist and turn. That also includes more desription of what is going on. You want the reader to be able to picture in his or her mind what is going on.

Story #2:

Once again, more description is needed of the surroundings. You did a great job with the dialogue, though. It gives the reader a look into the characters' minds. The reader is able to pick up the narrorator and the creature's personality.

On a scale of 1-10, 10 being outstanding and top notch, 1 being the very worst, I would give these stories a 7 together. With some more detail, I belive a 9 would be entitled to you.