I was going to lament the total lack of what this forum was to be for, until I read 'High Vogon'.

That is what is meant to be posted here.

I remind you all:

"The area was inspired by a desire to allow users to be creative in a sick or poorly versed manner reminiscent of the Vogons in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. The users will vote on a monthly or quarterly winner, and the lucky champion will receive some prize of sorts. Echo Rules 1) Try to be creative, rhyming and regular methods of expression are frowned upon. (2) No flaming please. (3) The werse verse the better."

Pay special attention to:" Try to be creative, rhyming and regular methods of expression are frowned upon."

As in the [real thing]:

Oh freddled gruntbuggly! Thy micturations are to me
As Plurdled gabbleblotchits in a lurgid bee.
Groop I implore thee my foonting turlingdromes,
And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindle werdles,
For otherwise I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with
My blurglecruncheon see if I don't.

Thanks for the compliments on my Vogon Poetry Meta: Things are pretty much in disarray in this section of totse, why don't we clean it up?

The way I see it, there is an art to creating Vogon Poetry, it's not just cussing/disgusting/nonsensical, crap.

It is a form of poetry like any other. You just gotta play wit' it: Be weird, original, honest, etc. (I love that word)

Correction, Vogon poetry is the THIRD worst in the Universe...

Oh, freddled gruntbuggly!
Thy Micturitions are to me
As plurdled gabblebotchits in a lurgid bee
That mordiously hath bitled out its earted jurtles...Into a rancid festering something or other... Now the jurpling slayjid agrocrustles are slurping hagrilly up the axlegruts...

The Second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria

Ode to a small lump of green putty I found in my armpit one midsummer morning

Putty, Putty, Putty
Green Putty - Grutty Peen.
Grarmpiutty - morning!
Pridsummer - Grorning Utty!
Discovery.....Oh.
Putty?.....Armpit?
Armpit.....Putty.
Not even a particularly nice shade of green.

and of course the worst is that of paula nancy milstone jennings...vogon poetry, Is mild by comparison

Hello Metaphysicist
"So you would LOVE to get some REAL Disgusting,Weird,and Total SICK Poetry
on Here."Is this TRUEEEEEEEEEEEE."O.k here
is what I'll do for you..."I'll WRITE afew
SICK POEMS as will as A Few NOT SO SICK."IS
This A DEAL????"BUT First I'll like YOU to
Say THAT YOU LOVE ME OUT LOUD..."And Tell
everyone on HERE that you Love Me TOO."This
Way I can Feel like Someone Fucking Care's.
And You get POETRY."I'LL just Put this "ONE"
In just To Show you that I'll be true to this DEAL..."But you won't get anymore intel
You say PLEASE MR.KHAINE...Oh by the WAY I LOVE YOU.After you do that I'll Write My ASS
off ON POETRY for you...""THIS POEM IS CALLED:"THE RAZOR'S EDGE"
Blood dripping down my wrist,
The pain is so intense,
It feels like a relief.
Pools of blood on the floor,
Who cares,just don't open the door,
I can't take life anymore.
I try so hard to be myself,
To be me,
Letting my wall down,
Letting my heart go free
Anger is outrageous,
Fire in my eyes,
That can't be put out.
Feeling like the devil,himself,
HATE,ANGER,KILL,DESTRUCTION,AND POWER.
Should I sell my soul to the Devil?
Should I let Him have Me?
The Razor's Edges will tell me everything.
Just give me a minute,
Let me be.


By Khaine

[This message has been edited by Khaine (edited 09-25-2002).]

quote:

---

Originally posted by rev_DXM:
Thanks for the compliments on my Vogon Poetry Meta: Things are pretty much in disarray in this section of totse, why don't we clean it up?

The way I see it, there is an art to creating Vogon Poetry, it's not just cussing/disgusting/nonsensical, crap.

It is a form of poetry like any other. You just gotta play wit' it: Be weird, original, honest, etc. (I love that word)

---

Quite agree.

I'll add a bit soon.

Some people just don't get a clue:

First we have Agent Boris_KGB [a moderator, no yet]

Is there any reason; besides wasting space, my time and just declaring to all your mental age?

Is there something that says that this forum is a place to f**k off in because you don't take it serious enough [as a medium]


I wish Pirate Radio had been a more general electronic forum: I would have volunteered to mod. I wasn't going to for such a narrow area of electronics; especially since it's not one that I'm well versed in.

KGB: Mellow. Please? Let those of us who want to enjoy what this forum was created for.


Worse, though, is the next contestant:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Khaine:
[B]Hello Metaphysicist
"So you would LOVE to get some REAL Disgusting,Weird,and Total SICK Poetry
on Here."Is this TRUEEEEEEEEEEEE."O.k here
is what I'll do for you..."I'll WRITE afew
SICK POEMS as will as A Few NOT SO SICK."IS
This A DEAL????"BUT First I'll like YOU to
Say THAT YOU LOVE ME OUT LOUD..."And Tell
everyone on HERE that you Love Me TOO."This
Way I can Feel like Someone Fucking Care's.
And You get POETRY."

[[b]snip: A Lot of drivel]

""THIS POEM IS CALLED:"THE RAZOR'S EDGE"
Blood dripping down my wrist,
The pain is so intense,
It feels like a relief.
Pools of blood on the floor,
Who cares,just don't open the door,
I can't take life anymore.
I try so hard to be myself,

[Enough: more than enough] -edited by Metaphysicist

By Khaine

[/B]

---

What part of: "...rhyming and regular methods of expression are frowned upon."

Did you not understand?

And just where in what I originally wrote do you get me wanting: "REAL Disgusting,Weird,and Total SICK Poetry" ?

You, too can be excused.

You have the mental agility of a small soap dish.

Go tell your mother that she's calling you.

RE:" Try to be creative, rhyming and regular methods of expression are frowned upon."
quote/unquote:yes but it also says be creative so i guess that means it should at least make some attempt at making sense?something on the line of "THE JABBERWOCKY" perhaps?

quote:

---

Originally posted by stgeorge6602:
RE:" Try to be creative, rhyming and regular methods of expression are frowned upon."
quote/unquote:yes but it also says be creative so i guess that means it should at least make some attempt at making sense?something on the line of "THE JABBERWOCKY" perhaps?

---

Good heavens no!

Some of what poetry is is form [or lack there of].

It's not always about what the words, together mean, so much as how they sound

The flow of syllables to make a whole textured piece; like some of the works of John Cage.

I know I'm not doing the best at expressing what I want to say - it's 6:30am, and I'm on my third night up, so give me a bit of a break, eh what? [No, not chemically awake for three days. It's natural: pain & bi-polar disease].

It's quite a bit like a lot of what is done in music [poetry is, after all, a song without the music]. So let me explain it for music, then see if I can do any better.

The lyrics to a song do not alway mean something. By this I mean that they don't make any sense were you to say them as a sentence. For example: "I am the Walrus" or "Come Together" by the Beatles; the songs not only don't have a meaning, the lines don't make sense as a understandable sentence. [You may not ever realize it, until comes a day where you need to write down the lyrics or happen to read them somewhere - then it's obvious. Why not when sung?
It's because the part of the brain that handles music is different from the part that handles speech; which is why people who stutter can sing ok].
Why would Lennon & Mccartney - or anyone do that? What's the point?
The point is that they are using the words [and vocals themselves] as just another musical instrument.

Putting words and/or syllables together in a way as to have a certain sound to add to the overall song.

Like listening to a song in a foreign language, kinda.

**

It's like that, too, when dealing with just words alone, though it is much harder to do [and appreciate].

So, am I going to get torn apart by the newbies? Because that's how they react to what they don't/can't/refuse to understand?

Am I the only one on this forum who thinks along these lines?

Am I taking it past were it was meant to go?

Tough I like it; it gives me good ideas and practice.

**: I've made a song using the vocal chords as an instrument [along with a Harley at idle for the drums]; Like most things I do I do this one to an extreme.

Should you be interested [what the hell: it will give you all more ammunition to use against me ;-)], it's Lo Comprende

Checked out the tune, Meta. It was definitely tripped out, but I liked it. Sounds like it would be awesome to listen to while high, I'll check it out later!

But back to the points you made. That can't be emphasized enough: that which makes a poem is not rhyming words. It is exactly like making music. That is what makes poetry so different from other forms of literature. It's about playing with the words, letting the words flow, making love to the words.

The thing about Vogon Poetry is nobody should take the description of this message board seriously. When it says "Worst Poetry in the Galaxy", that doesn't mean just regurgitate a buncha stupid crap onto this board. I'll tell ya'll what it means.

I've never read "Hitch Hiker's", but from my understanding, it was a humorous book. I think the part on the Vogons was supposed to be farcical; paroding real poetry. Kinda like a Naked Gun movie. Put together well so that you can tell it's still a movie, but it parodies real movies so it makes you laugh.

So when someone wants to put together Vogon Poetry, make it so that one can still tell it's a poem (sans rhymes, of course), but make it humourous and farcical.

Or maybe I'm wrong. But following that frame of mind would yeild better results than the crap I've seen around here.

There there I deleted the stupid shit....But I am leaving my other ones up there because I worked hard on those....and also Have you seen the post OH MY DICK. by the moderaot of this forum?...well whats your saying would go against what he wrote...let me find the link....

http://www.totse.com/bbs/Forum18/HTML/000286.html

There...

I know. It sucks. And not in a good way like it's s'posed to.

Hell, I would love to be the moderator of a poetry room. I have plenty of experience wit' poetry and editing. And I would rule wit' an iron fist!

Ahh, wishful thinking!

maybe if you posted more you'd be a good mod...from what I have seen from you here you'd be good as a mod...not so sure after you said the irin fist thing...this has to be the most lienunt(sp?) forum...

I see your point, Boris.

Whatever the case, I will continue to post here. I'm just waiting to see a Vogon post from Metaphysicist (one word or two?). He seemed to know what the shit was goin' on here. That man has answers!

quote:

---

Originally posted by Agent Boris_KGB:
There there I deleted the stupid shit....But I am leaving my other ones up there because I worked hard on those....and also Have you seen the post OH MY DICK. by the moderaot of this forum?...well whats your saying would go against what he wrote...let me find the link....

---

No it doesn't. It fits in perfectly well: It's just a simpler form, and there's nothing wrong with simplicity.

Hey, it's ok that you don't quite get it [yet]. And I mean that in all sincerity.

quote:

---

Originally posted by rev_DXM:
I'm just waiting to see a Vogon post from Metaphysicist (one word or two)

---

One lump, please, er, I mean, one word.

I will post something when I get home from work tonight.

Though, depending on my level of energy [and the what the bi-polar is doing, I reserve the right to post something I wrote before [since it's no longer available here it's ok, I'd say]

Also: I need to get a more serious writing assignment done first - that is top priority.


You'll know what I'm refering to when and if you see it.
I'm not trying to be cryptic; I've got a lot on my mind right now

Hey Bonehead (Metaphysicist)
""I have an mental agility of a Small Soap
dish..."Now I would have to be honest with
you on this."As childness as it May sound
for You of all people to USE Childness
over tones in you Post..."It's kind of
funny that you would even go there...But
then again-you are only a Chemical freak
right?"And most of you wannabe Biker's &
Rock Stars should just stay out of
reality for a while."Stay with your Crack
pipes and LSD trips..."You'll make more
since then..."To yourself that is...
"Do you not know ONE thing about true
poetry?POEMS don't have to RHYME.Did you
not learn that in School or where ever
you were tought.
"I'm not going to Cut you down or Fuck
with you here."FOR NOW ANYWAYS..."I'm
just going to BLOW YOUR FUCKING MIND OUT
HERE..."You speak of Music,and lyrics.
"Also you said that you play drums."I
Myself being Playing Drums now for
alittle over 29 1/2 years..."I'm part
OWNER of ACT 1 Studios here in Canada...
I'm also a Studio Drummer for other
studios."And you seem to know some what
of Music...But not much on Poetry..."It
doesn't have to Rhyme.And you don't even
have to believe Me on this-Just go and
Ask an Engish Teacher or Anyone that
works within the Music business..."I
wrote that POEM years ago."It was looked
upon as a Death note."And believe me I
did get alot of Engish teachers asking
themselves...WHAT are the guide lines to
writing POETRY and lyrics because of the
form of Poetry that I wrote..."But I did
get what I was looking for from you by
putting it in..."And that was the
understanding of a Childs response
towards Creativily..."If your going to
criticize someone on their artistic form
then at less criticize them with some
knowledge of the subject...
"Now I was going to tell you were I live
and all and tell you Who my Friends are
within the community of Music and Art...
"But maybe One day we can talk on this
subject as adults on a more Professional
level...But then again we may not."
"So for now I'll just put in a Poem or two.
I'll even Put in a few Band lyrics in here
if you would like..."I really don't mind
Criticism,but I do think if I'm going to be
Criticize for something at less do it right
and for the right reasons.Not just because
you hate someone or Dislike one's Artistic
form."And I really don't need more
ammunition against you I HAVE Far more then
I need against most people..."So here is a
POEM called:"SO WISE UP"
"What is this gun I hold in my hand
this piece of steel,I try to understand.
with one pull of the trigger
and the piece of steel,
spits out lead and fire
loud bang like a song
of a funeral pyre.
Body collapses,
blood begins to pour out the lead filled
hole
But there is nothing you can do.
your friend has been executed
by the piece of steel possessed by you.
SO WISE UP
try to understand
You are the one with the Gun
in you hand.

"And here is one of My many Song lyrics.It's
called:"Hurts To Watch"
I've been runnin,
I got nowhere left to hide.
Taxman's comin'
The poor man's by my side.

How much longer,
Can I keep this rollin'on?
Will I get Stronger,
Or will it end up in this song?

I can see right through you,
The pain that fills your eyes.
What the hell's come into you?
I got mixed emotions by my side.

You say everyone's coming down on you,
And we're all taking sides.
How can I believe in you,
When everything said is just a lie?

"Cause it hurts to watch.

Loneliness this world I know,
Happiness so hard to win.
Lift you up from way down low,
Christ can help,but you can't sin.

Finally it's caught up to you,
Walls are closing in.
You say there's no way out.
But,that's not true
I look at your life,
Don't know where to begin.

"Cause it hurts to watch!

"By KHAINE

"So Metaphysicist,I would love to talk to you on a more respectful level about POETRY,
lyrics,Art,Drumming,or the Business of ARTISTIC SUBJECTS..."But like I said before,
WE MAY NOT..."Now it's your move...Have a great FUCKING DAY..."Now I'm going Back and
Act like an Asshole..."for some reason I myself love Fucking with other assholes because I feel LOVED when they pick on ME...
"see you soon.........khaine

[This message has been edited by Khaine (edited 09-26-2002).]

Just when I thought nothing would help lift me from the depression of the past week - Being bi-polar is bad enough, but to be notified of an old friend's passing at the low point of the cycle - well that really blows.

I should have known that I could always count on some newbie getting their panties in a bunch and then going after me without knowing a dingle berry about me ;-)


Yeah, I'll get back to it, but I've a bus to catch; like now. and I still have that other piece of writing I alluded to earlier.

Thanx for the laugh, though - it did brighten my spirits

RE; the statement about songs just being poems and how if you read the lyrics of them(songs that is)they dont make much sense without the music..maybe so but thats why they are songs (with music)and prose without music are poems..

oh and have you ever read any of jim morrisons prose, man he would be a winner in this little clique..some of his stuff is total shit..

quote:

---

Originally posted by stgeorge6602:
RE; the statement about songs just being poems and how if you read the lyrics of them(songs that is)they dont make much sense without the music..maybe so but thats why they are songs (with music)and prose without music are poems..

oh and have you ever read any of jim morrisons prose, man he would be a winner in this little clique..some of his stuff is total shit..

---

Amazing: Do most people simply glance at a post to get the gist, so they can jump in and pounce on what they think they read?

Though, to be fair, on this occasion the blame is partially mine: I said:

"poetry is, after all, a song without the music."

When what meant and should have said:

A lot of poetry is, after all, like a song without the music."

However, backing up to your quote, quoting me:

quote:

---

Originally posted by stgeorge6602:
RE; the statement about songs just being poems and how if you read the lyrics of them(songs that is)they dont make much sense without the music..

---

(I added italics)

That is not what I said.

I said:

"The lyrics to a song do not always mean something."


As for Morrison; of course I've read his stuff.

I used to have a first edition of 'The Lords and the New Creatures' [someone needed it more than me, I guess].

You're right - somewhat.

His stuff is very unconventional, and as such it tends to go over the head of many.

There were [and still are, I should have said] quite many who consider him one of the best - if not The best poet of the late 20th century.

And you know what?.......They are absolutely correct in that assessment.

There is also a quite sizable number of those who, like yourself, who think his stuff is total crap.

And you know what?.......They are absolutely correct in that assessment.

Like all forms of art and other such things, poetry is very much subjective [I'm probably not using the right word - or am but using it wrong. Consider the time, for me as I am writing this and I admit I'm too lazy to go check my dictionary].

I'm sure you got my meaning: That there can be no "right answer" - It's all just opinions.

HELLO Metaphysicist
"You know your right Enough is Enough."So
what heppen to your "HOG DUDE"Your catching
Buses and All?I get a laugh out of you too."You seem to talk alot but your not showing US here anything.But big words and alot of 2 bit Shit."I get a big laugh out of idiots like you."Your the wannabe here PAL..."You are by far the Stupid Fuck here.
My question to you is WHY are you shooting
off your LIPS and Not showing The Good Folks Here your Stuff Man"Lets have alittle
Bit Shell We?Are is it that your just a FUCKING SPINE-LESS COWARD.How about putting
your Money were Your mouth is you yellow BACK FUCKING COWARD.ARE IS it that your to busy RATTING OUT on people with better weed then you have."LET'S MAKE A BET FUCK HEAD?
"You seem to think that MY POEM as will as
The lyrics that I wrote into your forum are
PURE Shit RIGHT...COME ON Asshole...be honest...It's all good man."It really is.
I'm cool with all this shit Punk..."O.K here's the BET...But you do have to tell your Boyfriend that's with you there to let go of YOUR ears so you can hear the DEAL."
"Now I did put in 3 pieces of My work from the past..."Now you do the same."O.K,You really believe that your Better then everyone here.YOUR going to found out just how much of a WANNABE that you really ARE.
"Better yet how about We open a NEW FORUM for this...AND WE Get the FOLKS here to PICK
the BETTER ARTIST..."YOU PUT IN 10 PIECES OF
YOUR WORK AND I'LL DO THE SAME..."And THE
WINNER Get's to stay HERE As a FULL MEMBER
OF TOTSE.And the LOSER GETS the FUCK OUT OF
TOTSE to never RETURN..."I'm not saying the loser can't came around and look at as will as to get what he needs from anything that TOTSE has to OFFER..."I'm saying that the loser CAN'T became a Member."NO POSTING,NO
ANYTHING.Just looking around for info...YOU HAVE to become a GHOST...YOU can't write,talk are anything...You have to move onto someones else site..."What do you say
MY YELLOW BACK FRIEND.LET'S really see what your made of Men or should I say Bitch????
"I'll let you in on something-the 3 that I
already put in were Publish a few years back."I made money from all 3..."Did you ever make money on your Work..."I don't think SO.
'And your still CATCHING BUSES...Will I'm driving around in a 1968 Camaro as will as a
1992 26ft Flair Motor Home...I don't have a boat besides My Kayak-So i won't add that...
I know What's wrong Khaine can't you buy a New CAR and Motor Home.Sure but WHY...There both great and there isn't One dam thing wrong with them..."I'm not Rich but I sure have alot of things that would make most rich Folks wish they were me...
"So what about it Obi-Wan Kenobi?Are is it that your HOG is in the Shop...LOLOL

"we Poets in our youth begin in gladness;But
thereof come in the end despondency and
madness."

"Let play Shell we??????????????????????????
or Shell we Not????????????????????????????

"People of TOTSE this GUY is a Professional.
onstage and off.A Professional YELLOW BACK.

KHAINE

Metaphysicist..you quote from the intro yet forget .bad prose is the go..im not looking at winning some prize ,so the no rhyming part of your opening post doesnt count,as long as it is bad it will do .

Creative ,well anyone who puts two words together can claim to be ceative...

John Cage ,well ive never heard of him but i will be sure to look him up..

William blakes one of my favourites, and reading the line that goes something like
" NO MATTER WHERE I DIE I LEAVE A PIECE OF ENGLAND"..(now dont go quoting me word 4 word because its been along time since i hit the books)...

and yes i think that jim was a legend but he still wrote some crap..

MET:
you say (There is also a quite sizable number of those who, like yourself, who think his stuff is total crap.)
re:talking about jim ...no i said some of his stuff...and its true...
some of his stuff is..but look at that which wasnt:
whats wrong with the jabberwocky?????
wrote by Lewis Carol for the alice in wonderland books you really cant find fault can you?
no ryhme and using words that mean absolutly no sense,or so it seems (just brill).
and that was a 100 years ago....

Never writen Vogon before�but here goes.


I am waiting for a chance.
I stand in silence for with movement I cannot move.
The suns coming up now its been a long time
Now my eyes are open
I cant close my hand
Who did this to these poor little creatures?
Can you help me please.
I have no cause for your sympathy
Just hold my hand
Well I guess you are gone away for the day
Ill move on but I cant move
My eyes stuck open
Your quick response to nothing I have said
I just wait for nothing
I stand in silence
The sun has gone down
I cant close my eyes
What did you say
I don�t understand
I cant feel arm
These strange things what are they
My life has no end and I cant feel my hand.
Poetry is a symbol of someones inner mind
It comes out at a distance then creaps up from behind
You turn to see whats there
You spin to the left
Your frantic with frustration
Not know what is left
Hey man just one more time.
Ill grab hold and well spin one more time
I cant see my hand no form is there..


That was a first�well try again.

Hiccup junk monkey?
The last car is gone
Oh what
Oh what
Oh what
What?
Yeah I said that.
Right good chaap
Ok now go


~GV

Khaine

What is up bro?

I did not know it was possiable to type in an annoying fashion. Good job , that was the longest peice of work I have seen...I think you should post that as a peice. Its shit...looks like shit, dosent make a hoot of sence and its in the correct forum..you win! hah Mulitpule usees of the ? and the ! do not make for an emphesis on a subject or statement...they are annoying as hell...after I got done reading your post I was about ready to kick you in the nuts.

Hello GV
I Would like to thank you for your beautiful
words.

"AFTER I GOT DONE READING YOUR POST I WAS
ABOUT READY TO KICK YOU IN THE NUTS."
BY GV

"NOW I have to ask Bro is that a Sexual thing with you?If so please I'm not Gay but
if it would make you feel happy and Loved.By
all means do it.But if I cam because of it,
Will, please don't get Upset..."IT'S YOUR
fantasy Dude...I'm just more then willing to
Play alone within your Dream..."In exchange
for me to play alone can I get a Free Foot rub...I can sure use that right Now...Is that a deal Bro???????????????"Keep on ROCKING IN THE FREE WORLD Dude.Oh,by the way
here is something for you,"Remember this always:"PAIN IS PAIN,BUT ALSO PLEASURE."And
"Just what is wealth?It's how you view it
It's not having to wonder whether or not
you'll lost it."

KHAINE

PS:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????"""""....
"Just in case you really did like them:!!!??
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL