there once was a girl named alice
she used dynamite as a falice.
the dynamite blew
her legs to Deluth
and parts of her tits fell in dallas

there once was a man from cree
who got stung in the balls by a bee
he made odles of money
by oozing pure honey
every time he attempted to pee.

There once was a man from New York
Who had no time to sit around and try to remember fucking poems
He tried to write songs
But it didnt take long
Before he realized he had no talent

There once was a woman from China
With a popsicle up her...

...vagina

has to have five lines to be a limeric.

There once was a young man named Trippy.
Folks thought he looked just like a hippy.
Said trippy one day,
I'll blow them away,
With a shotgun, he did it, Damn Skippy!.

very good!

Finally someone appreciates my artistic talents.. want me to do one for you alan?

sure

Hahahaha! YEAH! Die bitches.

There once was a man from New York
Who couldn't get limericks to work
When we asked why
He was said to reply
They're too long and not overly interesting

There once was a cool dude named Smithee
Who thought lingerie looked rather pretty
With high heels and a hat,
Was a shame bout the fat,
Since it looked like he really had titties

There ya go..
Hard to rhyme alan with anything.. so ya got smithee, which was almost as hard.. sorry it's kinda lame

There was was a women called Suzie
Who was known as a shameless floozy
Inside the bar
She'd whip off her bra
Cause the alcohol makes her woozy

Best I could come up with. Sorry.

was pretty good actually.. all you got wrong was the rhythm..

if you replaced shameless with something like ridiculous (more syllables)
and make the last line into

cause the alcohol made her quite woozy

then you'd have the right number of syllables in the lines..

other than that, bravo

Don't thank me. Thank hallucinogens.

There was a hermit called dave
who kept a dead whore in his cave
he said "I may seem a bit,
of a sick shit,
but think of the money I save"

I tried once,.. to write a short poem

Lights on! but shortbody ain't home...

So, alas ~ try , though I did...

Twas myself I would kid

If I said "I can NOT ramble on"

Ps.-double spaced for added emphasis on theme

Oh there once was a big waste of time
With a name strikingly similar to mine
Surely this cannot be
I heard me say to me
as I pondered the end of this rhyme

Hey this is fun ....uh oh

This is the story of winki
The tale that I shall now tell
of a litter box ever so stinki
just beside of a bubbling well

The well spills over with insight
the litter box reeks of cat shit
should you pop in on me now as I sit here
Witty and wise wouldn't matter a bit!

So there it is, gee whiz, what a stink
Be glad that this prolific wink
Doesn't ask you to come call or live right down the hall, cause it ain't really rosy or
pink!

full marks for winki! bravo..

There once was a dude who was me,
And he typed this limerick, see,
Made it up on the spot,
It was sorta hot,
Until the last line, which was crud becuase he ran out of 'ee' rhymes and it was far too long anyway.

my ballad to you suzie

there once was a girl named suz
who was a bit of a fluz
I could write more verse
it would probably get worse
but its late and I have to snoze

[This message has been edited by Alan Smithee (edited 10-05-2000).]

there once was a man from madrass
who's balls were made of brass
and in stormy weather
he'd clink them together
as lightning shot out of his ass

There was a mathemetician named Hall,
Who had a hexodronical ball
it's length times weight
plus his pecker and eight
Is his phone number, give him a call

There once was a man named Phil
Who likes to cough a feel
But for poor old Phil
His wife caught him and
Shot him full of pills

??????????????????????

don't get worried.
For the sake of humanity i will try and refrain from having any kids.