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Vogon Poetry - The Worst in The Universe Vogon Poetry is by far the worst in the universe. This forum includes all forms of literary creative expression. Please post ONLY your own work and try not to flame other users. Bad vogonesque poetry, is of course, still welcome here.

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 #1 
Old 2008-11-17, 23:29
Regular
 
Fucking Bikini Bottom.
Default Awaken.

Awaken to the sounds of tears falling from the sky. .
the smell so sweet. . embraces my thoughts
inexpressible feelings of joy, pain, fear, and love


the tears trickle down the cheeks of the clouds. .
onto the troubled earth. .
disposing of all tribulations in that moment


tears??
rain??


dances upon the drowning soil
ecstasy is pouring out of my pores
pleasure, and excitment descend upon my face


the tears. . .
they come to a stanstill. .
all is lost.. .


don't ever let life pass you by. .
 #2 
Old 2008-11-18, 03:45
Regular
 
Interzone
Default Re: Awaken.

My god that is depressing.

Perrsonally it does not float my boat, I don't see much structure, just a series of whiney sentences.
Also whats with the 3rd paragraph?
 #3 
Old 2008-11-19, 21:45
Moderator
 
Fairfax, Virginia, America
Default Re: Awaken.

The ending was trite, this was riddled with cliches and you seem to hate proper grammar for some reason. It's not too hard to throw a period at the end of a sentence or to not throw a period before the end of a sentence. I'm not sure what you have in you right now besides finding base pleasure in writing. Work on refining your style, eliminating cliches and getting your grammar down, and then we can see what we have to work with.
 
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