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| Vogon Poetry - The Worst in The Universe Vogon Poetry is by far the worst in the universe. This forum includes all forms of literary creative expression. Please post ONLY your own work and try not to flame other users. Bad vogonesque poetry, is of course, still welcome here. |
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#1
 2008-10-26, 03:23 |
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 Dusk
Giving birth to Death,
The rays of life sending forth a final farewell to their fair mistress;
All is quiet,
Arcane understanding hidden in the whispers of the orange wind;
Spiritual disorder,
Phantasmal energies suspended in the saturated air;
Passages unlocked,
Magickal currents flowing freely through the sky;
Barriers broken,
Daemons dancing joyously in the euphoric twilight;
Night attacking day,
The dying star sending ripples in the violet wine;
Sunset.
Constructive criticism please. I am really interested in improving this one.
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#2
2008-10-26, 17:11 |
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Re: Dusk
For some reason I can hear this being said by some mysterious voice in the opening scene of a videogame... Not bad.
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#3
2008-10-26, 18:21 |
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Regular
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Questions objections obtuse
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Re: Dusk
That was sexy as fuck.
The only thing I dislike is the flow of the last few lines.
Sunset.
The dying star sends ripples in the violet wine;
Night attacking day,
Deamons dance joyously in their euphoric twilight;
Barriers broken,
Magickal currents flow freely through the sky;
Passages unlocked,
Phantasmal energies hang suspended, saturating the air;
Spiritual disorder,
Arcane understanding hidden in the whispers of the orange wind;
All is quiet
The rays of life sending forth a final farewell to their mistress;
Giving birth to Death.
lulzreversalsystem :P
That was a great though, man
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#4
2008-10-27, 00:46 |
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Re: Dusk
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Moonius
That was sexy as fuck.
The only thing I dislike is the flow of the last few lines.
Sunset.
The dying star sends ripples in the violet wine;
Night attacking day,
Deamons dance joyously in their euphoric twilight;
Barriers broken,
Magickal currents flow freely through the sky;
Passages unlocked,
Phantasmal energies hang suspended, saturating the air;
Spiritual disorder,
Arcane understanding hidden in the whispers of the orange wind;
All is quiet
The rays of life sending forth a final farewell to their mistress;
Giving birth to Death.
lulzreversalsystem :P
That was a great though, man
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wow. i like it backwards better. i was just like  |
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#5
2008-10-27, 00:58 |
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Regular
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Questions objections obtuse
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Re: Dusk
wow. i like it backwards better. i was just like
lulz, srs? |
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#6
2008-10-27, 03:12 |
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Re: Dusk
lulz, srs?
ya :p im going to see what happens when i do tht to all mi poems lol
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#7
2008-10-30, 04:02 |
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Re: Dusk
Quote:
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Originally Posted by enkrypt0r
For some reason I can hear this being said by some mysterious voice in the opening scene of a videogame... Not bad.
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all u can see is like, things from nature, beautifully animated, and u cant see the source of the voice, but it sounds like an ancient mage or something, and hes saying it in a dying, tired sounding voice. then, at the last part, theres a sunset. the game would have to be about something mystical tht happense at night, and not getting some lol like a story about a vampire or satanic monks or something like that. wow, i reely thot tht out lol i care too much about things that dont matter  |
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Dusk
